r/AskReddit 2d ago Silver 42 Helpful 43 Wholesome 23 Bravo! 1 Party Train 1

Your gotta blow a job interview as fast as you can, what do you do?

38.7k Upvotes

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u/Canucklehead_Esq 2d ago

Show up unwashed and disheveled and drinking from an open bottle. Piss on the fern in the reception area.

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u/Comfortable_Storm_59 1d ago

Sweet we found a new cook. You're hired.

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u/alwayssummer90 2d ago edited 1d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Pot o' Coins

Show up with my mom and have her answer all the questions for me.

Edit: holy cow, thanks for all the awards! My most popular reddit comment ever!

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u/kartoffel_engr 1d ago Helpful

No joke, had a guy’s wife join him in an interview. We politely asked why she was there and then asked her to leave. She said, “If I leave, he goes too”. I said, “Oookay. This interview is done. Thanks for coming in”.

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u/Pitiful-Introduction 1d ago

I get wanting to be there to support him, but actually coming into the interview is a bit much. What was their plan? Was she going to come to his shifts too?

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u/InterviewsForAJob 1d ago

Throwaway because main account can probably identify me.

I was working for a company as the ICT manager, it wasn't a large company as I was the ICT Manager and technical support person.

Workload had increased quite a bit, so I was looking to hire someone to assist me in the technical support role. It was a junior role only a couple of days a week, good for a student who had study commitments on the other days, and we were flexible about exams and assignments.

So, I did a few interviews, and this one person had an ok CV but wrote an amazing cover letter about how they wanted to get into IT and that they are currently studying and have undertaken their own personal study outside of their courses. He was young like 18 or 19 and while he didn't have the most experience or the best CV his letter convinced me to give him an interview, leaning toward picking him if the interview went well.

So, the day of the interview came, I got a call from reception saying he was down in the foyer. So, I get down there and he was sitting there, and this older woman comes up to me and introduces herself as his mum and then introduces him. I didn't think too much of it at first as maybe he just got a ride here, so he wasn't late.

So, after the introductions and a quick chat I begin to lead him to the interview room after a few moments I notice his mother was following us. Now I made a mistake here too I could have probably been more clear or more assertive, but I tried to politely say something along the lines of I'm taking your son to the interview room, and it would be ok if you wait. She didn't take the hint. She kinda just came into the interview room; I didn't know what to do.

So, I just started the interview. After asking him a couple of questions it was clear he was nervous (or something), which I didn’t really fault him for, this would be his first job.

This is where it all went wrong, his mother interrupted interview and said he was autistic. I honestly think that drained whatever confidence he had; he was doing fine before that. She then started answering the questions for him, I tried to get the interview back on track by talking to him and asking him the questions, but she would constantly interrupt.

Realising my mistake, I tried to move the interview so I could talk to him, so I said I will show him where he will be working if he got the job and that the mother is welcome to a coffee or tea. I only now realise I should I just asked her to leave, but I am not a confident person myself and I hadn’t really done interviews on my own before.

So, she followed us once again and once we got to the work area, she was trying to organise the days he would be free etc. Not long after the interview ended.

I couldn’t hire him after this, I was worried his mother would constantly be involved and from what little I had seen from him I believe he could have handled it on his own without her ‘help’. If she had stood there quietly in the interview and knowing he has autism I still probably would have given him a chance.

I wanted to give feedback to him about his mother, but I was worried she would retaliate and complain and put my job at risk. I hope he is doing ok and found a job.

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u/Lumos_nocs 1d ago

I’ve worked with teen clients with ASD and some of their mothers really don’t know when to step back because they’ve been the only ones to fight for their kids. I do worry about those teenagers I worked with, that their mums will always step in their way. You definitely would be doing the kid a favour by calling to give feedback on mum being too much/ not knowing her boundaries.

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u/Valereeeee 1d ago Wholesome

hired someone on the spectrum who arrived to the interview with a state worker. one of my best hires.

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u/RosieCakeness 1d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Brighten My Day

Did this years ago. I drank a coke quickly to settle my stomach before a big interview for a dream job.

Right as introductions are being made and I am shaking the CEO’s hand - I don’t say “Nice to meet you”…. I instead let out the loudest, nastiest belch ever formed by my digestive tract. Epic echo in the hallway, too!

No way to recover - I just turned around silently and left. Never heard from them again.

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u/TexasJedi-705 1d ago Silver Gold Wholesome

Walks up

Shakes your hand

Belches loudly in your face

Refuses to elaborate

Leaves

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u/Absolarix 1d ago edited 16h ago

Man, why you gotta do that to me? I'm dying over here and now I'm dying harder X'D

edit: spelling

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u/Squeakmaster3000 1d ago Silver

The image of someone just walking into an interview, BELCHING, and then just….walking out without a word has me laughing my ass off

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u/realmastodon2 1d ago

Johnson, what is that guy name?

His name is big bob.

Good. I want him blacklisted.

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u/AbleSailor 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry Wholesome Seal of Approval Crab Rave

Say "meow" at the end of each sentence.

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u/2PlasticLobsters 2d ago Wholesome I Shy Table Slap

Or twice at the beginning of each sentence, like Henrietta Pussycat from Mr Roger's Neighborhood.

"Meow meow time management is my greatest strength."

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u/Plus-Contest-5173 1d ago

Say it in a extra deep voice

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u/DenverDudeXLI 1d ago hehehehe

"Meow meow time management is my greatest strength."

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u/Your_Local_Stray_Cat 1d ago

"I think leadership is my greatest weakness, nya."

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u/wardog1066 2d ago

Many years ago I went through a mass hiring session. 1500 people showed up. There was a brief screening interview and then applicants would move on to the second interview based on that first interview. I was passed on to the second round and was sitting waiting my turn. Behind me was a curtain and on the other side was someone doing the first interviews. Interviewer asked a guy about his last job and why he left. He said "You gotta understand I sweat. I mean I sweat alot! I was a waiter and I would bring a plate of food to someone and drip into their dinner. They didn't like that." Without hesitation the interviewer called out "Next!"

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u/mark55 1d ago

This is the guy who should actually answer, when asked what his weakpoint is - "I am far too honest for my own good."

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u/PolarisRadio 1d ago Helpful

“That doesn’t seem like a weakness?”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

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u/zoinkability 1d ago

Nobody can convince me that wasn’t Chris Farley

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u/jayforwork21 2d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome Seal of Approval

Dress up as the original Agent Smith. I get bonus points to start talking in his manner. I also refer to the interviewer as Mr. Anderson and be as condescending as possible.

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u/NocturnalxRabbitt 1d ago

Interviewer: "So why do you want to work for us?"

Agent Smith: condescendingly sighs "Mr. Anderson..."

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u/mattey92 1d ago

"I want to get out of this place...the stench..."

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u/TenNinetythree 2d ago Silver Starry

I'd appear with my well loved plushie and let it do the interview for me.

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u/Neoptolemus85 2d ago Helpful Wholesome

Whenever the interviewer asks a question, ask the plushie what it thinks.

"Would you be willing to travel to client sites 3 days a week?"

"What do you think, Dr. Snugglepuss...? Oh... sorry, no I don't think we could do that"

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u/Siniroth 1d ago Helpful

Then you get into an argument

When I agreed to bring you we talked about this. You need to compromise on some things with me if we want that house

Just because I'm going to a client doesn't mean anything is happening

That was one time! I never bring up Rick these days anymore do I?

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u/jakethealbatross 2d ago

Bonus if you're very well qualified, it's a government job, and your plushie is articulate and completely answers all the questions. Then they have to write an hilarious a memo for the reasons they don't think you're fit for the job.

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u/fireduck 1d ago

For a software job, I don't even think it would be a deal breaker. Maybe just not a customer facing role.

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u/Rulweylan 1d ago

I would be happy with any programmer who brought their rubber duck to an interview in case there's a technical section

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u/Thursday_the_20th 2d ago Wholesome

‘If you hire me, you hire Rainbow Dash too. She’s my life partner and sexual muse, and you wouldn’t dare come between us’

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u/LlamaDrama007 2d ago Wholesome

Interviewer asks for a moment and leaves the room.

You assume theyre out there releasing the huge GUFFAW they were surely holding in. To laugh, explosively, at such an exclamation is the obvious response, after all.

A few minutes pass. You cant hear any guffawing - you cant hear anything at all... something's off. Your hand tightens around Rainbow Dash in anxiety.

The door opens and relief floods your body as the interviewer sheepishly smiles at you.

Interviewer: Sorry that took so long, Xandr was on another call. As they are head of HR i needed to check with them and they confirm we can extend full partner benefits to Rainbow Dash. In light of this Id like to offer you the postion, Thursday_the_20th, and welcome you to our family.

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u/EphemeralApricity 2d ago Silver

"Please bring Rainbow Dash to the company picnic next Saturday. Jason in accounting has a waifu pillow that would love to meet them."

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u/SirNamedMyself 2d ago Helpful

(Xandr from HR is also a pillow)

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u/MTGBruhs 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Bravo! Eureka! Brighten My Day Are You Serious?

How close are we to a school zone, exactly?

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u/goldetoastes 1d ago

Tell the interviewer to not show up to work the next day

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u/Steve_78_OH 1d ago

You're trying to blow a job interview, not be reported for terrorist threats.

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u/Vigeto619 1d ago

The two in one special

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u/MrSmiley_1 2d ago

I think you need to make this a little more sus though. I could see someone actually asking this because of childcare/ after school pickup of a child.

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u/JorgiEagle 2d ago

Phrase it as "just to confirm, the office I'd be working in is more than 100 meters from a school?"

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u/notaslimysaleman 1d ago

“They opened up a daycare down the road from my last job, that’s why I had to leave”

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u/TheChosenSnail 2d ago Silver

Enter the room caterpillar crawling in a blanket

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u/chadster1979 2d ago Silver Wholesome

Showing up to interview with a pet parrot on your shoulder does not blow the interview. My wife worked for a popular online shoe retailer that starts with a Z and interviewed a guy who showed up like this. She gave him the job, because, who wouldn’t want to work with a dude that would show up to an interview with a bird on their shoulder.

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u/Far_Play_4191 2d ago

I went in to a local store and the dude talking to me had a parakeet chilling on his shoulder! I didn’t even recognise until he bent down to pick something up.

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u/Mernerak 1d ago Silver

Anyone who can bro an animal is cool in my book.

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u/lcyberlina 1d ago

I toured said Z company a few years ago, can confirm pets are allowed on desks

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u/TrashPandaPatronus 1d ago

Recently Zoom interviewed a guy who straight up had a massive iguana lizard thing walk across his shoulders while interviewing. I mean, a ton of grace for the at home virtual interviewing thing, but dude acted like we didn't just watch a dinosaur roam across the screen while talking about hospital patient flow.

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u/ThrowawayCop51 1d ago

I was testifying by Zoom and the defense attorney who was questioning me (from home apparently) had a big ass tabby cat walk across his keyboard mid question. As he was picking it up, it looked at the camera and went MEOWWWWWWWWW.

That meow made it into the fucking trial transcript.

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u/thepyrodex 1d ago

I wish the other attorneys had asked to have the transcript read back

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u/tavishthedeaf 2d ago

I show up without an interpreter.

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u/dmnhntr86 1d ago Silver

I show up with an interpreter, for the most obscure language I can find one for. Or one who just translates my English into Shakespearean English.

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u/tmrika 2d ago Helpful Wholesome I'll Drink to That

Say that you think the company is dumb and you’re only there because your mother made you. More effective the older you are.

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u/HexOfTheRitual 2d ago

I read a comment once about how a GameStop employee was about to interview a teenager and the kid’s mom accosted the interviewer first telling him that she was making her kid get this job because he was so lazy and not hardworking and thought it would teach him some good skills. Totally ruined his chance at getting the job lol.

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u/TgagHammerstrike 2d ago Wholesome

"Thanks, mom."

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u/johnnybiggles 1d ago

"DIDN'T I SAY KEEP YOUR HEAD UP STRAIGHT??"

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u/Lugubrious_Lothario 2d ago

You wouldn't believe how common this is. I've had multiple moms show up at interviews I was conducting.

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u/codefyre 2d ago Silver Wholesome

Ah hell. I once had a 26-year-old guy show up to interview for a 6 figure software engineering position. He had a master's degree, his Github was solid, he had a good collection of verifiable projects that he'd completed in remote contracting positions, and he did great in our online skills eval, but he oddly had NO history of permanent employment.

He showed up to his interview with his mom. I was confused at first because we normally ask if an applicant needs accommodations and provide those, but I asked whether she was there to assist with a disability or something. "He has an IEP for his ADHD and learning disabilities. He needs me there for the interview."

I informed her that the interview was technical and she wouldn't be allowed inside if there was no physical disability. I did not argue the IEP thing with her because...wtf?!?!

She looked me dead in the eye and said "He needs me there to keep him from saying anything dumb. He has a disability and an IEP. You are required to let me in."

I excused myself for a moment, ran it by my boss, and was told to just do the interview. She interjected herself into every single question I asked. And when I asked him to whiteboard out a solution to a specific problem, she went through the roof. "I need to be able to correct his work BEFORE you score it!" I tried to explain to her that whiteboarding is about evaluating an applicant's problem-solving processes, but she wasn't having any of it. She stormed out, dragging him behind, shouting that she was going to sue us for discrimination.

He did not get the job. We did not get sued. Some parents are just insane.

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u/prestigious_delay_7 1d ago

That guy needs an actual employment consultant from his state's disability services department to help him, not his mom. His mom's clearly not qualified for the role.

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u/Lee1138 1d ago This

Mom is however extremely proficient in keeping him dependent on her. Seems like that was the end goal more than anything else.

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u/DrinkFromThisGoblet 1d ago

For real!! Also, how is she ever going to be present for every moment he's at work? If he can't do an interview alone he's not gonna be able to work alone!

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u/ladylurkedalot 1d ago

Imagine what this poor guy's home life is like with someone that controlling.

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u/rhynoplaz 1d ago

😂 He has an IEP?!? An Individualized Education Program? I wonder if she ever realized that means NOTHING outside of school.

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u/codefyre 1d ago

RIGHT?!?! I'm married to a teacher and knew exactly what she was referring to, but it wasn't my job (or the time, or the place) to educate her about IEP's. She seemed to think that we were required to accommodate her demands because the IEP confirmed his disability. It was odd and I honestly didn't know what the hell to say to her about it.

To be clear, my company absolutely DOES have alternate interview processes in place to make things a little easier on the neurodivergent and those with various disabilities. Allowing your mother to run and correct the entire technical interview is not one of them.

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u/gsfgf 1d ago Silver

It's right here with his Permanent Record!

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u/s33ek 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Bravo!

Holy fuck I feel so bad for him.

Also, what programmer doesn’t have some form of adhd or autism? It’s a feature, not a bug.

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u/xDulmitx 1d ago Wholesome

I believe programmers tend to score a bit higher on autism scores, but our job is highly detailed problem solving and writing very specific rules to follow repeatedly...no shit we score higher..part of the criteria is our fucking job.

Not sure if it is causal, but when you are trained at a skill, you do tend to be pretty good at it.

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u/lazyFer 1d ago Helpful (Pro)

An IEP doesn't place any requirement on prospective employers...it's literally an Individual Educational Plan.

It's so the schools don't do stupid shit like force an ADHD kid to sit out recess (the only time to burn off excess energy) for not paying attention in class.

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u/SaintofMysteryCat 2d ago

Honestly as an interviewer I'd probably appreciate that over having them waste my time bullshitting through an interview, or worse, bullshitting well enough to actually get hired but be a crappy employee. You don't want to be here? Cool, go chill in the lobby for 20 minutes and tell your mom you have a good feeling about this one.

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u/TraceofMagenta 2d ago

I had a kid, right out of undergrad as a programmer, come in and talk to me about a programming job. He had ZERO experience, and made zero effort to do any programming outside of class work. I asked him why he went into programming, and his answer was, "My dad made me do it, I hate it." Told me all I wanted to know.

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u/GabiDaemon 2d ago

That makes me feel bad for the kid.

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u/TraceofMagenta 2d ago

It has been over 10 years now, I still feel bad for him.

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u/gsfgf 1d ago

Yea. Parents that insist on dictating their kids' lives like that are awful. I had a friend growing up whose dad decided from birth that he'd be a brain surgeon. He got to college and realized he would hate working in medicine. He tried to change majors, and his dad disowned him. Luckily, he speaks fluent Arabic, to the Army was super happy to pick him up.

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u/CowboysFTWs 1d ago

I had a friend that his parents gave him 2 options, doctor or lawyer. They were very strict with him. Dude when to college, and get a taste of freedom.

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u/EQ2_Tay 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Brighten My Day

Sit down, reach into my backpack and pop open a beer.

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u/Strong-Solution-7492 2d ago

I interviewed once for a marketing position at Skoal. There were Plastic cup dispensers on every wall and cans of Skoal in dispensers on every wall. Three guys walked in the room in jeans and polo shirts and all put in a dip, offered me a can of Skoal, and started to interview me. It was absolutely weird.

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u/Rustee_nail 1d ago

"Oh no thanks I'm actually a vape guy, but check out these clouds."

That'll nail the interview for sure.

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u/LandonTheFish 2d ago

Hope they had a good health insurance plan…

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u/rapi187 2d ago

At least dental

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u/precioustroll 2d ago

What kind of beer?

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u/Dubsyy 2d ago Wholesome

King Cobra

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u/precioustroll 2d ago

That’ll fuckin do it.

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u/diavirric 2d ago Silver

Don’t worry, I’m in anger management.

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u/turtleproblems1 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe Starry

Scratch your ass then go for the handshake

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u/DongusMaxamus 2d ago Wholesome Wearing is Caring Eureka!

Don't forget to sniff your fingers before going for the handshake

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u/lolik_pokakany 2d ago Silver Helpful Brighten My Day

And gag after sniffing

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u/DongusMaxamus 2d ago Silver

Or give it a lick, whatever you think will freak them out more

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u/Ivysaur_guy 2d ago Silver

Both, in that order

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u/moslof_flosom 2d ago

And then sneeze into your hand, and lick it again

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u/NoRush862 2d ago Silver Helpful

Never mind the job, you're not even getting a handshake at this point

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u/RanxShaw 1d ago

Everything else before is fine though.

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u/snookert 2d ago

You want a chocolate covered pretzel?

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u/daylaten-1short 2d ago

They're a little melty but damn are they delicious

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u/gaslacktus 2d ago Wholesome Seal of Approval

That kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

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u/SliverCobain 2d ago

Ask for the WiFi pass as the first thing.

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u/YarrHarrDramaBoy 2d ago edited 1d ago

"I only like to torrent on public networks, keeps me safe"

Edit: since no one has mentioned it and this thread is blowing up

username checks out

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u/Jollygoodas 1d ago Silver

And then pull out your phone and start browsing while they ask questions. If they bring it up or start asking questions, just say, “hold on a sec.” And keep going. Then say “selfie!” turn around and get the whole interview panel in. Insist that everyone does a peace sign and duck lips. Get real stern about it.

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u/ComradeJohnS 2d ago edited 1d ago Silver

Just don’t show up.

Edit: This is how I would bomb a job interview because I’d be too anxious to do anything more drastic lol. Yes, nowadays they’d probably reach out to reschedule or something. This is also the least effort, but if you’re collecting unemployment it could be used against you, who knows.

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u/cdmurray88 2d ago

Right? I guess this is blowing an interview if you're already there, so the next closest thing is just leaving without a word.

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u/climber244 2d ago

Walk in, shake their hand, sit down, get back up and leave id say that would be a minute tops from walking in to walking out

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u/AllBeansNoFrank 2d ago Platinum Helpful Wholesome Table Slap

1: Walk in, fold jacket and place on chair

2: Shake interviewers hand and take seat

3: First question he asks unload the loudest smelliest fart and say "That's pretty much what I think about that".

4: unfold jacket and put jacket on

5: Walk out.

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u/nghtgaunt 2d ago

I like this due to the prep work of having a fart ready to go but the insane ability to hold it until that first question is asked. You got to the interview, signed in, exchanged pleasantries, all while having a dirty fart just laying in wait. Impressive friend, impressive.

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u/dcux 2d ago

And since you just planted it in your jacket, you're going to stink on the way out.

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u/chadster1979 2d ago

“Before we get started, you want to go to the restroom with me?”

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u/MalcoveMagnesia 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry

Ask about the sexual harassment policy.

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u/_chasls 2d ago Silver Helpful

Is it like super strict? Or set in stone?

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u/ctrl_alt_excrete 2d ago edited 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy hehehehe Bravo! Starry Ally Press F Starstruck Table Slap I'll Drink to That To The Stars

"On a scale of pancake tits to bolt-ons, how firm are your sexual harassment policies?"

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u/bthompson04 2d ago

I feel like you need to work the word “leniency” in there somehow.

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u/Bruised_Shin 2d ago

What’s the annual budget for hush money?

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u/Fredredphooey 2d ago

Is it a three strikes you're out kinda thing or can you appeal a ruling?

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u/inthrees 2d ago

"Three strikes a day? I can probably do that."

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u/cheesypuzzas 2d ago

I think if I (a woman) asked that, they would think I was sexually harassed in the past and wanted to know how they handled that.

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u/Doctor__Proctor 2d ago edited 2d ago Silver Helpful

If you're really looking to tank the interview then when they reassure you that they take allegations by female employees seriously you interrupt and say "No, no, obviously if a male superior propositioned me I would sue you and your company into oblivion. I'm asking about do you have a policy that prevents women from soliciting favors from coworkers. Girl's gotta work her way up the ladder somehow!" before folding your hands behind your head and leaning back into your chair. That's a double whammy pretty much no company would let fly.

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u/aceandfox 2d ago

I'd just unzip my fly. But sure, use words,

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u/OhIamNotADoctor 2d ago

3 strikes or nah?

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u/DeeTee79 2d ago Bravo Grande!

"I'm sorry I'm late, I had some trouble getting rid of my ankle monitor."

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u/Mad_Aeric 2d ago Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome Starstruck

Be myself. That has a proven track record.

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u/waterballoontits 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy

Show up drinking a beer & when the interviewer brings it up apologetically say “Oh, sorry bud, how rude of me!” And proceed to pull another warm beer out of my purse and toss it to them.

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u/popeboyQ 2d ago Helpful

I'd hire you.

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u/Sandpaper_Pants 2d ago

Manners matter.

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u/CarlosAVP 2d ago

Manners maketh man

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u/HeftyPockets 2d ago

That was actually a pretty recent AITA post, guy claims he's not an alcoholic but got caught pulling a flask out in an interview.

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u/p0tts0rk 2d ago edited 2d ago

Oooh i need to read that.

Edit: found it. I don't know how to link on mobile though. I gotta say though, that wad definitely a troll post. I hope.

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u/Cleverusername531 2d ago edited 1d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxv6vm/aita_for_drinking_absinthe_at_a_job_interview/

Hahaha

Edit: here’s the text of the post. My fav parts are bolded.

AITA for drinking absinthe at a job interview?

Ok, so I know the title sounds bad, but bear with me - I had my reasons.

So, I (22M) have been really struggling to find a job since I graduated this summer. I'm searching in a highly competitive field (think finance), and yesterday was the first time I interviewed somewehre.

I took a small shot of absinthe when I woke up, just to settle my nerves a little. (Side note - my Grandad was of Czech origin, and he LOVED absinthe. He even used to brew it himself. My final birthday present from him was a novel 200 ml bottle he brought from his homeland. Unfortuantely, he passed away a couple weeks ago, so I decided to pour one out for him to ensure good luck in my interview.)

However, by the time I was sat in the company's waiting room, the effects had completely worn off. I started to feel sick with nerves - the pressure of the interview stage was getting to me after months of writing applications. I decided to sneak off to the toilet to take a couple of pre-interview shots to calm my nerves. The interview that followed actually went really well - I had great chemistry with the interviewer, and we were laughing, flirting etc.

The problem came when I, very stupidly, decided to sneak in another shot (for good luck) before the final interview with the CEO. Sadly, she emerged from her office precisely as I was mid-gulp. She looked horrified, and told me to leave the building. I tried to explain to her about my anxiety, and how I was simply medicating it, but she wouldn't listen and called security to take me away. Afterwards, I sent the company an apology e-mail and asked for another chance, but they haven't yet replied.

My mother thinks I'm an asshole for drinking at all and called me an alcoholic, (she doesn't really understand alcohol,) but my brother 'doesn't see the issue' as long as I wasn't drunk.

So Reddit - who is the asshole? Me for drinking before a job interview, or the CEO lady for not listening / calling security?

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u/newaccount721 1d ago

I had great chemistry with the interviewer, and we were laughing, flirting etc

I think interview was already going poorly here, tbh

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u/MR_SirUp 2d ago

Give them the open one and crack a fresh one for yourself

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u/_sheep7 2d ago Helpful Wholesome Table Slap

“So what exactly is the drug test able to detect?”

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u/boygriv 2d ago Helpful Wholesome I'll Drink to That

I took a drug test for a furniture store and I watched in real-time as the undesired result for cannabis appeared, while I passed the other ones no problem.

Hiring manager literally said "close enough!" and continued processing my paperwork.

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u/organizeeverything 1d ago

I'm a paralegal. Private law firms NEVER drug test.

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u/protomenace 1d ago

Same for 95% of software roles. There's too much demand for the talent and too few people with the skills available for companies to be disqualifying people for that stuff.

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u/Floppy3--Disck 1d ago

Ive gotten tested for almost all of my roles in software, but i usually pass so i think its just to look for stronger substance abuse

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u/SpaceMan420gmt 2d ago

Is it a 10 panel or just 5?

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u/visser147 2d ago

10-panel… those are rookie numbers. Try a 16-panel with a breathalyzer

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u/KushKong420 2d ago Giggle

I can’t even name 16 kinda of drugs

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u/ChugSampson 2d ago edited 1d ago

The 16 panel drug test screens for:

Cocaine Marijuana Opiates Methamphetamine Amphetamines PCP Benzodiazepines Propoxyphene Fentanyl Tramadol Oxycodone Methadone Barbiturates Ketamine Meperidine Alcohol (Exp opiates, exp benzos, alcohol .02%)

Edit: Guys, I just googled this answer. I do not by any means have the brain cells left to remember any of this stuff.

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u/malacide 2d ago

Sweet I can still use.... Um....LSD?

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u/H_mblin 2d ago

Mushrooms, too! Great way to wake up the morning before the test ;)

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u/SpaceMan420gmt 2d ago

Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol….c-c-c-c-c-cocaine!!!!

It’s a song for those who don’t know.

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u/navymmw 2d ago

My buddy asked in a interview if they drug test, manager laughed and said if they did half the team would be fired. He got the job, so pending on the person this may not blow the interview

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u/thebigbradwolf 2d ago

If fast food is anything like when I was a kid, half the people will be high/drunk on the clock.

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u/mada447 2d ago

I was hired at my first fast food job by a guy who was clearly stoned

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u/DrunkenGolfer 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

Our company was bought by a major investment bank and part of the onboarding of existing employees was the usual background check and drug testing they do elsewhere. I spoke with HR and said, "I personally have no concerns about being tested, but we have 80 employees. Now imagine all 80 employees are listed on that whiteboard over there. Take five darts and throw them blindfolded. Are you OK with the outcome? What if it is the CFO? Still OK? To date, we have no performance concerns at all related to drugs, so why do this?" They eliminated the drug testing.

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u/tylerderped 1d ago

I honestly can’t believe this worked lol

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u/nimbleseaurchin 1d ago

If there's no performance related concerns for drugs in the workplace, it shouldn't be tested for. Waste of everyone's time, and the businesses money.

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u/DancinginAshes 1d ago

Also primarily yields bad results for weed smokers, who aren’t your problem employees if you didn’t know they indulged. The cokehead or alcoholic will pass a drug screening pretty easily as long as they’re not fucked up the day of.

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u/asdaaaaaaaa 1d ago

Luckily this is very slowly becoming understood, at least by some. Seen more and more jobs in certain industries where they'd laugh at you if you mention drug tests. They know their employees get fucked up, so long as they're safe and get shit done, it doesn't matter that much.

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u/TopMacaroon 2d ago

Drug test? Sure, what kind of drugs are we testing?

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u/cuberandgamer 2d ago

"Oh don't worry about your prescription medication triggering the drug test. Thanks for letting us know, we'll will check the results with your pharmacy. It would be great to have someone with as much foresight as you on the team."

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u/tatpig 2d ago

light a cigarette

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u/c_girl_108 2d ago

Near things labeled “flammable”

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u/imk 2d ago Silver Helpful hehehehe Masterpiece

I got head hunted by DHS a long while back. They wanted me to work in IT, something to do with port security. I had no intention of taking the job so I started off by saying that I could not possibly work for Homeland Security because I don’t have a mustache.

He then started talking about ports and I was inspired by The Wire to ask about what happens if I were to stumble across a container filled with Russian girls. I asked him if it was a “as many as you can fit in your car” kind of thing.

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u/GavinBelsonsAlexa 2d ago

So you're working for DHS now? In my experience, the less you care about an interview, the more likely you are to get an offer.

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u/imk 2d ago

Oh no. I am quite happy where I am and have been. I have no idea where they got my info. They must have been really desperate for database weenies at the time to have found me in my little corner and tried to lure me away. of course that fits well with what you are saying. They must have been really impressed by how much I did not want to work there.

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u/ghostdeinithegreat 2d ago

Someone where you work hates you and wanted you to leave so they sent your cv to them.

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u/diuge 2d ago

This is the proper way to handle workplace conflicts, get them a better job.

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u/Icefox14 2d ago

Ask salary range and then say that's it?

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u/crazyrich 2d ago

I’ve seen that actually work out though haha

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u/johnnybiggles 1d ago

Then ask if they can add two more zeros to the end.

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u/jfb1337 1d ago

Yes, we can go from $X to $X.00

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u/inkseep1 2d ago

That happened at my job. We had an entry level job open. Back then it was good pay at about $26,000 per year to start, about $52,000 inflation adjusted for today. A woman came in for the interview. She found out the salary and said 'I am not working for anything under $35,000' and then she left. She had no job history, no degree, no experience. However, she did dress very well.

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u/BadArtijoke 2d ago

What’s the job if I may ask? Maybe she was right… even though it’s still a, well, cunning approach.

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u/KookyCochran1982 2d ago Silver

Start talking about how Hitler was just misunderstood

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u/Surprise_Asian 2d ago

I’m mixed Jewish and Japanese so I feel like this would be an interesting conversation.

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u/whomp1970 2d ago Gold

I'd wear my Star Trek uniform.

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u/Gaming_Moment_12520 2d ago Silver

"It'd be really funny if I got this job. Totally not because I would commit arson or anything, but it'd be really funny."

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u/DonSechler 2d ago Wholesome

I think just saying "it'd really be funny if I got this job" is probably the best down to earth way to blow the interview

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u/Biosentience 2d ago

So perfectly understated.

"Why's that?" They surely ask

"I dunno man, just, you know....funny"

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u/StrayDogPhotography 2d ago Silver

I once got down to a final interview with a big TV company, and blew it because they asked me what I thought of their Saturday night schedule. Then I proceeded to dissect everything they aired, and why it was basically mindless garbage for idiots. The interview didn’t last long after that.

Basically, the fastest way to fuck up an interview is be honest.

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u/book_of_armaments 2d ago

It depends on whether or not you're what they're looking for. When I interviewed with Amazon, they had a bunch of questions along the lines of "tell me about a time when you had an unrealistic deadline" and they'd keep asking the same question over and over again until you gave them whatever phrases they needed to hear. I didn't have any experiences matching some of the questions they asked and I just sat there uncomfortably telling them so over and over. The worst part was that the interviews are 4 hours long and I knew pretty quickly I wasn't going to get the job.

On the other hand, at my current job I was super honest in the interview as well, and they hired me. They asked me some stuff I didn't know and I just told them I didn't know, didn't embellish my skillset or anything, and I still got the job.

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u/SirEarlBigtitsXXVII 2d ago Silver Helpful

"Union."

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u/imwidththeband 2d ago

I had to scroll too far for this one. My first thought was "tell them I'm pro-union".

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u/penny_can 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Bravo Grande!

This reminds me of an old joke:

Interviewer: One last question. What would you say is your biggest flaw?

Job Seeker: Well, I'm brutally honest

Interviewer: I see, well really, I think that's really not too much of a flaw

Job Seeker: I don't give a fuck what you think.

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u/PretendThisIsMyName 2d ago

Well I need to get a job interview now just to do this one. Idk why this made me laugh the hardest in the thread so far.

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u/PustulusMaximus 2d ago

This reminds me of an old joke:

Interviewer: One last question. What would you say is your biggest flaw?

Job Seeker: Well, I've been told I'm condescending at times.

Interviewer: I see, well really...

Job Seeker: That means I talk down to people, idiot.

My version of this.

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u/HarambeKilledEpstein 2d ago

Interviewer: "What would you say is your biggest..."

Interviewee: (cutting him off) "I get impatient."

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u/beansummmits 2d ago Helpful Wholesome

I read that as blow job an interview which inspires me to say offer a blowjob

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u/Quit_social_media 2d ago

It was rather suspiciously titled wasn't it?

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u/psymonp 2d ago

Walks into interview. "Who do I gotta blow to get a job in here?!"

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u/TheGlaive 2d ago

Jeff says "Me, actually."

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u/JZ-Aquarium 2d ago

Depending on the situation that might aid the job interview

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u/PinocchioWasFramed 2d ago Silver Gold

In my early 20s, I interview for a sales job. He asked me for my philosophy on work. I told him that I work to live, I don't live to work. He said that I'd have to change my "attitude" if I wanted to work there, so I laughed and walked right out the door.

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u/WFMtrollgod 2d ago

Scream until sore.

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u/MrMcThunderstick 2d ago

“Will I have to work with any coloreds?”

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u/scenicbiway708 2d ago

I used to work for a maid service and an interviewee actually said, "I suppose you guys have a bunch of Mexicans working here?"

I think that was probably the first time they ever turned someone down.

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u/OmgLikeForSureDude 2d ago

Toss in an F bomb during greetings.

Hello I’m the hiring manager Marge

Well how the fuck are ya Marge?!

That should work.

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u/motoko_urashima 2d ago

This isn't a disqualifier in trades or manufacturing.

It might lower your chances, but it's not taking your dick out and pissing ON the interviewer.

No, in the trades, people get fired for using a company truck to steal things and parking the truck full of stolen things in the company lot... five doors down from the place they stole shit. Yes, that happened. Also, worked with somebody that got fired for sleeping off a coke binge on the clock.

Swearing? it's NBD.

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u/catsareweirdroomates 1d ago

Agreed! Profanity is a union protected right in longshore which is both hilarious and awesome

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u/sfkf8486 2d ago

So you guys are ok with nudity right?

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u/SessileRaptor 2d ago

While taking off your clothes.

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u/PepperidgeFarmMembas 2d ago Helpful Big Brain Time

“Don’t say doing your wife, don’t say doing your wife…….”

…..

……..

………..

“Doing your…..son?”

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u/Pette_Davis 2d ago

Show up looking disheveled, drink from a hip flask,……..then tell them I’m pregnant & need this job ASAP for the insurance.

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u/HalloweenCucumber 2d ago

Show up in bdsm gear.

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u/fucking_grape_nuts 2d ago

Depends what kind of job you’re interviewing for ;)

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u/Biosentience 2d ago

Anything in financial services youre hired

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u/searchingforshadows 2d ago

Show up in a tshirt with a photo of a cat’s face on it and ask for a chair for the urn you’re carrying. When they ask why, say it’s for your dead cat’s ashes, his name was Fuckface. When their jaws drop open, explain how you took in this poor cat whose owner died and was found a week later being eaten by his starving cat.

Fun fact, that’s a true story of how a woman blew an interview. Except, the job was in the Caribbean and they flew her out there, and she took the urn to a dinner and asked for a place setting.

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u/fairylightmeloncholy 2d ago

there's no way, but also truth is stranger than fiction. link?

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u/POMeowington 2d ago

"I have a wanking disease"

-jez

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