r/TwoXChromosomes Mar 06 '20 Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome Hugz Coin Gift Helpful (Pro)

[MINI FAQ] Do I have to be a woman to participate here? What about the subreddit name? What about trans women? What are the rules, anyway?

1.7k Upvotes

Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.


For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.


r/TwoXChromosomes 3h ago Silver This

Vanilla Sex Should Be The Standard For Casual Hook Ups Until Boundaries Are Set.

772 Upvotes

I know, I know, this may not go down well but hear me out. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told or read here about some weird, aggressive and predatory actions happening during a hook up.

Just this morning I read about the poor lady who had something happen anally. That is definitely not a causal, “man I bet she would love this!” type of move. I can confidently say that the sexual experiences between people are extremely different, but the idea that consent is a must before proceeding with any of your kinks or desires should be remembered and respected.

With that said, casual hook ups, especially first time hook ups, should be pretty vanilla unless boundaries are set or permission is asked. You don’t know who is and isn’t into oral sex, spanking, candle wax, etc. (whatever your kink is.)

Of course permission applies to couples as well, but I would hope that couples would realize and respect the boundaries of their partners.

So my advice to everyone is to play it safe with first time and casual hook ups and keep it pretty vanilla until boundaries and kinks have been talked about. Better to play it safe then give your partner a horrible experience.


r/TwoXChromosomes 17h ago Wholesome Take My Energy This Silver Gold Helpful

/r/all I know many Asian women like me are exhausted about random violence against Asian women. Can we share our experiences so at least in this corner of the internet, our voices are heard and not minimized?

11.4k Upvotes

TRIGGER WARNING

I’ve lived in the NYC area for over 10 years. I’ve had my fair share of attacks from homeless, mentally unwell men on the subway. Today’s news made me feel exhausted.

I know when these things happen the aggressor sometimes are Black men. Of course this is because of the Black community’s unequal access to healthcare, and other hardships. But I’d really appreciate if my Black allies can have conversations with their friends and family about becoming allies to AAPI community, just like we did for BLM, so we can avoid any implicit bias towards each other.

Most recently I was walking near Penn Station and a clearly unwell man quickly approached me and my sister with his arms out, appearing like he wanted to hug me out of nowhere. I told him “don’t you fucking dare touch me,” and he backed off, but I know many fellow Asian women fear speaking out like I did. I was just so fed up.

Another time a friend and I were sitting on the train minding our business, and a homeless man riding the train pointed at us me started yelling “Asian bitches!!!” Really loud and didn’t stop for a few minutes. No one stood up for us, which I don’t blame anyone because I don’t think it would have helped anyway, we didn’t engage either.

Every Asian woman in NYC has stories like these. But we don’t tend to complain about it. I feel that this is now contributing to the problem being minimized.

Edit: this thread has taken on a life of its own, thanks to everyone who engaged in this discussion and I do apologize for offending anyone from the black community. I considered taking it down because I thought my emotional writing didn’t present the facts very fairly, but decided to leave it up and add this edit instead. I don’t intend to generalize the black community into one homogenous group, my intention is to express frustration of the hostility between the two communities, and spark a discussion that is not often held. I’m sad to hear about all the women who shared their experience here and I hope people in power will make changes soon.

Edit 2: I’m overwhelmed by the support for this issue and at the same time unsurprisingly I’m getting quite a bit of hate in my DMs. To address a common point - I’m posting in twox because this is a community I feel comfortable posting in, and it reaches different communities. I do appreciate if anyone in the black communities would support anti-Asian hate, but in no way am I saying only black people should do something. In fact Asians have a long way to go as well in speaking up, because we tend to not complain about bad things that happen to us. I imagine if this thread continues to be contentious the mods may lock the thread, I’ll leave that to the mods to decide.


r/TwoXChromosomes 8h ago Silver

One of my abusers is gone.

1.3k Upvotes

One of them has died in jail.

From the age of about 9 until I was 12 I was raped and molested by two of my family members. They blackmailed me into believing that if I ever spoke up that my alcoholic father, brother, and I would be on the streets and that everyone in the family would hate me. They paid for all of my father’s bills. I fearfully believed them.

The state I live in has no statute of limitations. I came forward when I was 20. Both of my abusers went to jail. However, one only received a 14 year sentence with possibility of parole after half that time. I walked around in fear knowing that one day I could accidentally run into him. One day I could be at the grocery store, the mall, anywhere and he could see me with my family and approach me.

But not anymore. I have been told that he died in jail from cancer.

Many people have told me to “forgive him.” That I would heal from this experience because, “God wants you to forgive him.” (Also, I don’t believe in any gods.) I’m here to say that I will never forgive him or my other abuser for what they did to me and whoever else in my family they did this to. I lost my innocence. I’ve endured hell because of them. I am happy to know they now both will die in jail.

And now I can finally rest.


r/TwoXChromosomes 2h ago

I informed my father's new wife about his abusive tendancies.

346 Upvotes

I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do a little.

My father singles out vulnerable women from out of state, charms them, marries them, then brings them to his home state. I never know them until after they're married and isolated. I used to try to keep an eye on things, but I recently cut ties with my father. Before leaving, I warned her of how he escalates things.

My father is a very charming, funny, kind, seemingly harmless person. But he is entirely different once he's alone with you and has you trapped.

He believes that, as a man, he is to be obeyed and revered in the household. He doesn't tolerate "challenges" to his authority, and argues that he has the ordained right to take any action necessary to put you back in your place. He even perceives personal boundaries and private interests as challenges.

He takes out his anger and frustration on those in the home. Throwing things, shoving them against walls, backing them into corners, choking, constant ridicule, gaslighting, etc.

I just wanted her to know she wasn't alone, and I would believe her if she ever needed help. It turned out, he has already been threatening hit her, belittling her, and isolating her. I wish I'd known her before they got married.

I dont know why I shared this. I know the rest of my family will be livid when they learn I did this. I suppose I'm just wanting to be the first to tell my story.


r/TwoXChromosomes 7h ago Wholesome

Being a woman who looks very different without makeup sucks.

620 Upvotes

I'm one of those people that makeup really is a godsend for.

When someone unexpectedly visits and I don't have a shred of makeup on and my hair is wild as can be, I feel so horribly self conscious and anxious that I can't even appreciate the visit and be my normal self.

I'd love to be able to roll out of bed and not have to spend an hour and a half trying to make myself look half decent. When I've not got any makeup on (on the rare occasions I'm seen) I get the usual comments like "you look tired" and "you look ill".

I've seen peoples reactions where they are taken aback at my natural face. I know I can't read minds but the reaction is pretty obvious and its not in awe of my beauty lol.

I know this probably sounds so pathetic and shallow, but this is how I feel. I wouldn't want to be somebody else, as I wouldn't have the wonderful family I've been so lucky to be born into.

But damn i wish my natural face was easier on other people's eyes.

EDIT: How lovely are you lot? Thank you all so much for your kind replies and suggestions.


r/TwoXChromosomes 7h ago

The "good" friend

429 Upvotes

I don't know how to start. This happened yesterday, and I don't know how to feel about it.

I decided to go out with a bunch of male friends. I've always been the only girl of the group, so I'm use to it. But yesterday, one of them made me feel really uncomfortable. I've no problem speaking about sex with them, did it a few time, but that guy kept going back to my sexuality. At some point, he even said that he had "always dreamed" about having sex with me. I laughed it off, I mean, we know each other for years, he was at my wedding and know I still love my ex husband . So I didn't took it seriously, he has been a really good listener thoses past two months after my break up.

But at the end of the night (we were both drunk) we took a uber together because we live in the same village. I've really bad movement sickness in cars and I was drunk. He tried to comfort me and hold my hand. I was feeling really sick and couldn't really react to his attitude or I would have throw up. I just manage to ask him why the uber didn't go to his place first since I live a bit further. He answered that he would go back with the uber once his sure I'm safe. When we arrived I advised him to directly take the uber back, he refused, saying his going to wait and see if I get better. So I let him in. I had to take care of the dog and stuff, he kept following me and touching my back. I went back inside and sat on the sofa asking him when was his uber coming. he didn't really said anything and sat next to me touching my back again. I started to feel more and more uncomfortable, and I finally had the courage to tell him to stop. He quickly got up and said he should go, he directly left without waiting for the uber. I locked my door and instantly had a panic attack....I spent one hour in the shower trying to feel better.

He didn't do anything, but I felt so unsafe. I can't stop thinking about how it could have end up if I would have been more drunk than I was.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy This

False rape accusations are worse than rape

5.4k Upvotes

There is a post currently on the popular page asking if both false rape accusations and actual rape should be punished, and the amount of comments stating that a false accusation is WORSE than rape is mind blowing. Many comments also claim that they or a guy they know was falsely accused and their whole life was ruined.

A particular one that stood out to me was one where they believed the accusation was false because the woman didn’t scream for help in the supposedly open area it took place in, and she showed up to work the next day. That is all the proof needed to show that she was lying…

False rape accusations are extremely uncommon while rape and sexual assault are extremely common… yet there are people wanting a woman who makes a false accusation to literally be punished harder than someone who has actually raped another person.

As someone who has been raped, and was accused of making it up because I willingly went on a date with the guy, I’m sick to my stomach. I just needed to get this off my chest.

EDIT: I am in no way saying that falsely accusing someone of rape is an acceptable thing to do or that it shouldn't be punished. Obviously, it is a horrible thing to do, and I have no respect for anyone who does so, but making it out to be this huge issue that is constantly happening when the actual crime of rape is significantly more prevalent is ridiculous.

In my case, I did not report my rape. I knew I couldn't prove it. It happened in water, and it wasn't violent. I still had to go to the hospital because I was going through a medical condition at the time where having sex could cause my ovaries to twist, and I was in a lot of pain. The man who raped me got off with nothing but being yelled at by mom to never call me again, while I got a $3,000 medical bill, shamed by my father and friends, told that I deserved it, and lasting trauma that took years for me to even start to get past.

Many women and men have the same story, and many more have far worse ones. I got lucky.

I'm not trying to say that falsely accusing someone of rape is ok, but you will never convince me that it is worse than being raped.


r/TwoXChromosomes 42m ago

I understand what you are saying I just don’t agree with it

Upvotes

I’ve had run into this phenomenon before but never as obviously as this time. I was with some male interest of mine in a pub and we got into an argument. He kept repeating himself apparently believing that my little female brain just doesn’t understand what he’s trying to mansplain. After the 5th time he was practically shouting at me and I had enough.

-… you don’t understand…

-NO, YOU don’t understand. I understand what you are saying. I just don’t agree with you. I understand the logic you are using, but your argument is flawed, it’s full of outdated misinformation and even if it weren’t your priorities are completely abhorrent in this regard.

I’ve never seen a man that flustered before. He was speechless, just left his drink and left. We were at a gathering with his friends, and funnily enough the girls who heard our argument agreed with me. It’s been months, I still talk to some of them, they have since broken contact with the guy. I haven’t seen him since, he blocked me the moment he walked out of the place. What were we talking about?

Women’s rights.


r/TwoXChromosomes 19h ago Silver Wholesome

No guy ever wants to get to know me

958 Upvotes

I really just feel frustrated and feel like ranting, and hearing from people who've felt the same.

I kind of had a "glow up" since my school days. I grew up overweight and was always the friend that boys didn't talk to or have any interest in. It's been like a new world to me growing into my 20s (I'm 26!!) being seen as more conventionally attractive by men.

I thought that guys would actually start to show interest in dating me or wanting to get to know me, but it seems like every single time a man talks to me or makes me feel like he's interested, he says something sexual right off the bat or just says something that rubs me the wrong way.

For example, this cute guy who seems to be into the same hobbies as me started messaging me on Instagram and seemed really sweet and like he actually wanted to get to know me. It didn't take long for him to say, "I bet you have a really nice ass lol 😋" 🙄 this seems to happen EVERY time I meet someone. I've even gone as far as to going on a really nice first date only to get a text about my butt or my body and how he had to try so hard to restrain himself during the date. Gross.

This post isn't me trying to brag about my body or say men just can't get enough of it, I have plenty of insecurities about it anyway. But it is just getting SO old to not be able to meet someone who genuinely wants to treat me nicely and date me, be my friend, or know anything about me. I put myself out there, I've tried dating apps and meeting people out in the real world, and I've had the same outcome most of the time. I've dated one man who really was caring and loved me and didn't just sexualize me 24/7. It's like I'm not even a real person to men, just an ass they can try to get in bed with. I don't even put out signals or overly flirt with men to get treated this way. I could be the sweetest person and act so innocent and they still just randomly say things like that usually within a few hours of talking or meeting.

EDIT: I have already received messages from men that have never even seen me about my body after posting this. It couldn't be anymore ironic. I posted on this subreddit for it to reach women 🙃


r/TwoXChromosomes 2h ago Silver

Radiance in the snow.

37 Upvotes

My male partner had never seen snow being that he grew up in Florida and is now in Georgia. I got dressed, tugged on his hand (he was confused but trusts that I won't lead him somewhere unsafe or untoward) to go outside and while I was unlocking the door he asked what we were doing.

I told him it's snowing outside, he asked me to show him the snow a day or two prior.

When I tell you this man was in absolute state of euphoria when I opened the door, he was so childlike in his demeanor. He rushed back in to get his shoes and stood outside twirling in a circle and smiling.

Watching the snow hit his hair, face and clothes only to melt instantly was like seeing a preview of heaven that I'm not even sure exists.

We hugged in the snow, went inside to hug again and, laughing, he said, "Well dang, we can't break up, you showed me the snow!" and I said, "I showed you my snow, senpai, pls respond."

All in good, wholesome, cold fun.

I just wanted to provide wholesome and different content since we read a ton of stories about male people doing God knows what so often. And those people are not great, that doesn't diminish that at all.

It's just nice to talk about the bad and the good.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome This

I’m so so upset about the horrific assault that happened in Peckham, London on Thursday

11.2k Upvotes

TW An 18 year old teenage woman was violently raped by two men at 10pm. They were wearing masks and gloves, so it was a premeditated attack. Knowing that makes me feel so helpless and sad, they wanted to traumatise her for what? It was a moment for them, but a lifetime of pain for her. I know where it happened well, it is right next to a incredibly busy station and high street. It is an area that myself, and many other women I know, would walk without too much fear due to heavy footfall. This was ONE day after the tragic murder of Aisling Murphy in Ireland, in broad daylight on a busy path. THREE weeks after a woman was raped on Streatham Common jogging right by the high street. FOUR months after the awful murder of Sabina Nessa only ten minutes from her house. And TEN months after the horrific murder of Sarah Everard at the hands of a police offer. None of these women did anything ‘wrong’, none of these crimes happened in ‘traditionally’ dangerous areas. What the fuck are we supposed to do?

*Edit: I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s reply yet, but I will do. I appreciate everyone commenting, and I feel a little less alone now. I’m going to share the Instagram @fearlesskeychains. It’s a woman run business based in the UK which creates safety keychains for women using tools that are allowed under UK law. I hope we can all feel safe one day, but for now this might give a slight sense of autonomy.

*Edit: OH and how could I forget that 2021 was the 40 year anniversary of Peter Sucliffe’s conviction. He died in prison in 2020, and we had to deal with an onslaught of terrible commentary and documentaries about his crimes (looking at you Netflix). Women then were given a curfew by law enforcement and told not to go out after dark. Last year women were assaulted by police officers when holding a peaceful protest vigil for Sarah Everard. Has anything actually changed, will anything ever change?


r/TwoXChromosomes 5h ago

We can’t win

50 Upvotes

OK so I just read a post where a woman is asking about if the man she’s dating is love bombing her and while some of the comments are speculating on this there’s a lot that are so concerning. Like the comment saying “females just want to be treated badly” or saying “seee women don’t like nice guys”. The issue however is the fact that we are always chastised for getting into abusive relationships but then when we are careful and cautious then suddenly we don’t want to be treated well it’s really annoying because I’m trying to be safe but also I need to like not assume everyone is bad. Like we can’t win, it’s frustrating

Edited the post bc someone rightfully called me out for saying “girls and men”.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Silver

Does this boundary come across as me being too sensitive?

1.5k Upvotes

I have a rule where if I’m casually (or seriously) dating someone and they flirt with someone else in front of me, it’s over. I do understand if we’re not exclusive that they could be talking to someone else, that’s fine; don’t do it in front of me. I find it disrespectful if someone shoots their shot while I’m standing right there.

I have a lot of beautiful friends, and it is common for guys I’m talking to, to hit on my friends. Or we’re out and they hit on the server. Or a girl hits on them and they entertain it. I understand they can find other people attractive, but nobody likes to feel like they’re in second place. And once I feel like that, I gotta go.

I’ve met a crazy number of guys who think this is normal/okay, or who pull this on me and then act shocked when I stop dating them. To the point where I’m questioning if this is a reasonable boundary. I’ve had people tell me I’m overreacting or too sensitive. Even some of my girl friends entertain this behavior.

So ladies, am I too sensitive about this? Is it reasonable to expect a (potential) partner to not be flirty with other people in front of me?

Edit: Thanks for all the input! I would like to clarify that this doesn’t happen extremely often, maybe a handful of times in the last 5 years. But it did happen twice in the last month, which is what inspired this post. Also, for everyone asking for clarification on what I consider flirting, it’s not compliments or kindness or casual banter. I love when my partner has friends of the opposite gender. I mean more explicit/obvious flirting.


r/TwoXChromosomes 17h ago

Support | Trigger I got sexually harassed... School asked me what I was wearing

390 Upvotes

Ok so, for context, I 14F live in a somewhat conservative neighborhood.

In about October or November of 2021, my friend reported one of our male classmates for sexual harassment. He would always make comments about my boobs, butt, and pussy, says that he will rape us in our sleep (says that he's joking), says that he loves raping little kids (and says that's he's just joking), and other fucked up shit like that.

So, cue my friend, we'll call her Erin, to protect her privacy (not her actual name). Just like the rest of us, Erin was sick of getting harassed on the daily. But unlike us, she was brave enough to tell the principal what was going on. About 30 minutes later, I get called down to the principals office to explain my side of the story. The person interviewing me then had the audacity to ask "what were you wearing when this happened?"

Ok, two things. 1. I was literally wearing a hoodie and sweatpants 2. It doesn't matter what I was wearing, men and boys need to learn how to control themselves and not act like pigs. The frustrating part, I can't even remember who asked me that question. My former language arts teacher we'll call her Mrs. M, overhead me telling this story to a few of my friends and asked me who asked that. Pervert defender was about to get told off by an English teacher! But I literally can't remember who asked me and I don't wanna blame the wrong person.

Anyway, just found this whole thing extremely infuriating, as it doesn't matter what a person is wearing, sexual harassment is sexual harassment, sexual assault is sexual assault, and rape is rape. This question is extremely harmful to ask a victim. Is that NOT common sense?


r/TwoXChromosomes 11h ago

Violence against Women ist NOT part of Human Nature!!

122 Upvotes

Hey everyone. I wrote this yesterday and posted it on my Instagram but I thought I had to tell this amazing sub as well:

Geez it’s 1 am and I cannot stop thinking about what that one dude said at the seminar today. When we discussed the movie ‘Promising Young Woman’, out of fucking nowhere he said: “Why wasn’t there a father to teach her how to defend herself?” (For people not familiar with the movie, it’s about a woman whose best friend was raped and was basically failed by several institutions.) So that dimwit not only had the audacity to victim blame but he also seemed to not get the point of the movie at all. I truly don’t understand what was going through his head. He said that in front of so many women and a professor who specializes in feminist theory lmao. I repeat: Feminist theory. Just like many of my fellow students, I thought that I just misheard him. But he went on to explain his point. All of us didn’t know how to react or what to say but thankfully I was able to regain my composure and click on the unmute button. So I am basically repeating the things I said to him, hoping to find some resonance:

Why should women learn how to defend themselves? Why can’t we just teach men not to attack or harass women? It’s not our fucking responsibility.

Instead of shutting up, he just went on and, in a way, said that it’s part of human nature. DUDE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS NOT PART OF HUMAN NATURE!!


r/TwoXChromosomes 6h ago

“Take it as a compliment”

35 Upvotes

I live in NYC. I like taking walks in the morning to clear my head, so I’ll walk to Columbus circle and then through Central Park. The other day, I decided to sit on one of the stone benches (in broad daylight by the way) and observe the park like I usually do.

This guy on a bike stops right in front of me. I assumed he was going to ask for directions, as there are a lot of tourists around Columbus Circle. He starts hitting on me, saying he was watching me and liked the way I walked, and asked me to get on his bike with him. Not only was this a creepy thing to say but also a dumb question because how would I even get on a tiny bicycle seat meant for one person.

He asked me the usual questions, name, where I’m from etc. I gave him a fake name and said I don’t live here. He continues trying to persuade me to go with him, at one point taking out his phone to show me a picture of his abs. I said “good for you but I’m not interested” he kept asking why and I was starting to get really annoyed, so I told him I was gay and underage and he goes “me too.” He said he was “moving on to the ladies” and that I should “try out men.” I’m fuming at this point because I just wanted to watch the fucking birds.

He wouldn’t let up for the longest time. I was also worried about just walking away, because he could easily follow me on his bike. I figured my only option was to be more aggressive so I looked him straight in the eye and raised my voice, telling him I don’t want to get to know him and that I want to be alone. He goes “why though.” I felt like I was stuck in a video game talking to a repetitive npc. After another minute of arguing he finally leaves, saying he’ll “see me around.” I think the fuck not. Now I’m afraid of going to Columbus circle. Oh but I should take it as a compliment right? No, I felt threatened. Fucking ruined my day.

This happens to women commonly and I’m tired of people brushing it off. Thanks for reading my rant. This was therapeutic to write, and I feel for women on here who’ve experienced similar and worse situations than this.


r/TwoXChromosomes 7h ago

I'm definitely gay and need to break it off with my immature partner of 7 years

43 Upvotes

Warning: word-vomit.

I'm 23f with 2 kids (4f, 2f) and one due in June. I work full time as a tech at our small town hospital. We are over run with covid cases and I am burnt out.

I also just found out I have covid at 20 weeks pregnant. SO has made it completely about him, despite myself feeling like a heaping pile of garbage. Tried to hangout with friends the day I tested positive, even though he was sent home from work for the at-home exposure.

He texted me that he wasn't coming home after I was waiting for him to come home for relief from the kids for about 6 hours. I put up a fight, and he came home, but didn't do anything. In fact, he has stayed up the entire night until 6am both nights since I've been home with covid... leaving me as the only one to take care of our kids.

All while pregnant with a fever, cough, sore throat,vomiting, and a headache.

All that to say that I am pissed. This is not a one time occurrence. He's been selfish all this time with him. There are good times of course, but they're so overshadowed by the bad times, that I don't even feel happy at all anymore. All I do is work, and then come home and attempt to recover our house from how he lets it go while I work. I legit clean for hours and hours, and it's still nowhere near where it needs to be, but at least there aren't cans, open diapers, or food on the floor anymore...

And just recently, I've realized that I am definitely gay. I actually brought it up to him shortly after our first baby, but he cried and feigned some sort of half hearted support. So I just haven't mentioned it... about a year ago, he came to me after having looked through my emails and all social media and asked me if I was gay, and I just denied it, because he's a little scary.

I've definitely let my life get this way, but leaving is so much harder than staying. I try my hardest to give a good life for my kids, but with him, it's always 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

But, I have no family in this state. I can't afford to move, or even live alone. And now I'll have a newborn soon.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm in central GA. I have nobody to help watch the kids while I'm at work if I leave him. I make a little more than he does, but if I had to cut his pay out of the house's budget, we would get evicted.

I'm so lost. Every day is a battle with mental health and my current surroundings, but I make it work for the girls.

We are in a very small town with little to no resources, and I couldn't do it without his pay or babysitting when he works. (And normally I wouldn't call a parent watching their kids babysitting, but in his case, it is.)

Any support ideas?


r/TwoXChromosomes 4h ago

Common tactics of a child predator?

23 Upvotes

I was 15 when I began a ‘relationship’ with a 30 year old. It’s taken me years to realize they are a child predator.

The other day I came across an article that talked about how a predator might ask a child about masturbation.

This was the case with me, and I’m wondering what else others have experienced?

Now that I have a young child I want to be able to teach them the signs.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Wholesome

A male cop's view of teenage girls...

699 Upvotes

CW: sexual harassment and misogyny. Throwaway because my post history could give away where I work.

I work at a large entertainment venue that employs off-duty cops as security on weekends. Last night was incredibly slow and I got to chatting with one of them (45/M) while I was waiting to be cut. This was a 15 minute conversation that started with mutual annoyance at people getting drunk and acting stupid. The conversation turned to age and fake IDs, and he started with, "they don't make these 19yo girls like they used to, dressed all in their tiny little dresses trying to make themselves look sexy for older guys". Okay... now it's uncomfortable and inappropriate but I'm at work talking to a cop so I freeze a bit.

But he decides teenage girls make a great topic to monologue at a 30-something woman you've barely met. So I got gems like:

"My buddy's an SRO (school resource officer) and these ho-bags come crying to him saying they're being harassed, but here's a thought, Sharon, maybe if you stopped sending pictures of your coochie to everyone, they'd leave you alone!"

"This school I worked at picked their cheerleaders by merit or leadership or some crap, so not one of those girls was under 190 or should be in a short skirt. News flash, Bertha, no one wants to be crushed trying to lift you!"

This man is forty-five years old, in a position of authority, and looking at teenage girls as sex objects, victim blaming and body shaming in the same breath. If this is how he talks to a female stranger in public, what's going on behind closed doors with his buddies?

My partner wants me to report him to my venue's management, but it was a 1-on-1 conversation and I don't exactly want to be on a misogynistic cop's shit list - I'm honestly a little scared of what would happen. Not to mention I'd like to keep my job. I'm just so tired of trying to exist as a woman knowing this is how we're seen.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1h ago

I'm tired of not being seen as an individual, being expected to mule, and being forced to shoulder the blame. I want to right a harmful misconception

Upvotes

So the world is pretty crappy right now right? It has been for a years now, but can I just say that I'm sick of being a scapegoat?

I am a pretty normal girl, I think. I'm a young college sophomore. I make great grades, I have cool friends, I enjoy anime, painting, reading, etc...

I occasionally go on dates. I face misogyny because I'm a woman. I face racism because I'm a minority. At first glance, plenty of people, especially men, but even women try to push me into a box because of who I am.

My identity as a black woman in this climate did me no favors. Even though I was considered and voted to be one of the nicest people in my high school. Despite the fact that I'm quite a sensitive person who would never hurt a fly. Even though I graduated in the top of my class and have made the deans list every year since starting college. People will look at me and decide who I am.

They will tell me how I should act. The way that minorities are treated in this country is horrid, and seeing people go in on black people, specifically black women, is awful. Anytime something happens and the perpetrator happens to be black, especially when it's a black man, then we all become violent savages. Even the women.

We don't get the privilege of being judged as individuals. I feel like it's especially bad for black women too. People expect us to go fight for them but what do we get in return? We are facing a crisis ourselves but no one is defending us. Black femicide is on the rise.

Early today, I saw a post about the violence against Asian people, which absolutely is something that people should pay attention to, simply because it's absolutely terrifying and horrible. No one should have to live in fear.

Black women were called to action.. and I definitely saw some racism and a lot of finger pointing. It was painted as a black person problem by some, not just that poster, but I personally think that it's a mental health problem. The vast majority of the perpetrators are not well to do, upstanding members of any race. A lot of them seemed to be mentally ill homeless men. So, there is no reasoning with those men.

I also saw people fail to mention that the vast majority of the perpetrators of those crimes are WHITE MEN. Not white women. Not black women. Not even black men..but white men. I just thought that it was pretty interesting how everyone popped up saying that this was a black problem and whatnot..

I'll link for those interested. https://asamnews.com/2021/05/22/findings-do-not-support-popular-misconceptions-about-the-asian-and-black-communities/

It is a misconception that black people don't support Asian people and are out here hurting them en masse . I find it pretty hurtful when people on here try to paint black people with a brush. I even saw a poster say that she actively avoids black people due to bad experiences..

Every summer there is a slew of articles and videos which are of Asian men beating up black women in nail salons and beauty supply stores, yet no one would ever fix their mouths to say that all Asian people are bad nor do people go online and tell Asian women to go tell Asian men about themselves. Why? Because we realize that those few individuals do not represent all asian people. Yet black people do not get that luxury. If a black man does something then suddenly it's black peoples fault and that includes the women too. Then we, as black women, are expected to fix the problem. I could easily take those experiences and say that Asian men make me fear for my life but I realize that the vast majority of Asian men are not like that.

Now our community does have its problems. I can admit that and I myself am working on righting some of the problems but I can't help but to consider it unfair when I, as a black woman, am written off as a violent ignorant thug. I am tired of being lumped in with every violent person simply because I'm black. I also find it harmful that people are trying to push the narrative that black people are out here attacking Asian people en masse when it isn't true. It just gives other people excuses to treat black women like crap. They'll say "see they're violent and racist too" and use what is being said as a reason for them to treat us poorly


r/TwoXChromosomes 4h ago

I (28f) need an older woman's perspective. Am I being self destructive or am I starting to get to a healthy level of (not) caring about other peoples opinions as I get a bit older?

15 Upvotes

I'm nearing 30. I feel like as a woman we're constantly being fed the line of "women after 30 stop caring and know what they want and its sexy." So theres a bit of context for my headspace right now.

I've spent so much of my life caring about how my actions affect others and being as kind and considerate of other people as possible. Obviously this is a good thing but I think I personally have taken it to a level that is detrimental to myself-- my life has been fueled by guilt and it gets in the way of my happiness pretty significantly. Some quick examples:

-If I knew a friend wanted a position at school or work but I asked asked to fill the role I would quietly turn it down and suggest said friend instead.

-If 'boy a' liked me, but I liked 'boy b' I would feel so guilty about potentially hurting 'boy a's feelings that I would never act on the one I wanted. In several instances I would cater to 'boy a' anyhow because I just didn't want them to feel rejected.

-If I said something that was accidentally slightly offside to someone I would obsess over it and apologize, most of the time the apology was met with "omg I didn't even notice, stop worrying!"

In the last 4 months or so I have not recognized some of the behavior coming out of me. I've been saying what's on my mind and not apologizing. I've called people out for their behavior and stuck to my guns. I called in sick to work when I needed to take a day for my mental health (this is HUGE for me) AND THEN didn't spend the whole day obsessing over how badly I let down my team. Ive been sleeping around with next to no feelings attached. I never ever slept with two people in the same friend group because I was afraid to hurt someone but recently I have broken that self imposed rule twice.... and I just don't care.

On Friday I went out with an old fling and I spent all night flirting with his friend and then on the way to the bathroom I ran into the old fling in the hallway and aggressively made out in the hall. I had been staring at his lips and decided I wanted to kiss them so I just...did. Then I went back to the bar and continued to flirt with his friend. I had NO guilt. I felt like it was an out of body experience -- I watched the thought that this was a probably bad idea come into my head and watched it just float on past. I just don't feel guilty and it's so out of character for me.

Am I getting a bit older and letting go of this guilty conscience that has ruled my life? That would be good, probably, right? Or am I being self destructive? I keep catching myself saying the phrase "whatever, the world is on fire anyway" to people and I'm starting to wonder if these things are correlated and I'm becoming jaded and self destructive as a result of feeling helpless. I need advice from people who've gone through these mental shifts or maybe some advice on how to check in with myself, or set boundaries when it comes to this so I don't actually hurt someone or myself.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1h ago

How can I best support my fiancee through an abortion?

Upvotes

Hi all. Off the bat, I'm sorry if this isn't the right place.

My fiancee and I are on the same page when it comes to contraception and pregnancy. We initially used condoms until she suggested relying on the pill and not always finishing inside (as well as reaffirming this decision regularly). I've offered to get a vasectomy, but we're both on the same page that we'd like to have kids one day, and if she got pregnant, we'd deal with it.

Well, for the first time in the decade-or-so we've been together, it happened - she's pregnant. She had been having stomach troubles all week, and we've had a pretty drastic increase in sex the last couple of months, so I ran down to the store and picked up a couple of tests. Lo and behold - a blue plus symbol. We called around and made a couple appointments with our doctor. We had a two minute conversation before deciding we'd both like children, but right now is definitely not the right time (new jobs, moving into our first home together, etc).

I'm doing my best to support her - my usual making her food and tea, cuddles, assuring her that I'm on her side with the abortion. Fortunately I work for myself, so I can plan my work week around when it happens and any appointments, and plan to be there through it (hopefully covid restrictions don't prevent this). But part of me - being new to this - is wondering if there are some glaringly obvious things I might be missing, which is why I'm posting today.

For those of you here who have gone through an abortion, either with or without a partner, was there anything you needed throughout the experience that I might be able to offer? She says I'm doing all I can, but I know she's struggling with this and I want to support her the best I can.