Last night, we got into such a small fight, but i was annoyed so I was packing a suitcase to go to my parents. Then he came upstairs and it's all such a blur, but things escalated to where he grabbed my phone (I was recording because when this sort of thing happens i tend to gaslight myself a lot) and started choking me and put his foot on my neck. That's when it hit me that I could die. Not on purpose bc i really do feel he is a good guy, but when he is angry, sometimes i feel he doesn't eealize how angry he gets.
I called my parents and he even talked to them a little, blaming me for everything. He had a lot of scratches on his face and chest from when he was choking me. I ended up trying to get a hotel for the night, but I'm alone in a new city and it was close to 3. I couldnt find one. So, I came home and slept on the couch. He came downstairs a few times to talk (sometimes he was agggressive, sometimes he really seemed to care) and i even went upstairs to talk and apologize, but he blatantly called me abusive and said it was all my fault for getting him mad. This sort of thing has happened with us before and I used to believe him when he blamed me, but I've been on anti anxiety medication for a few months now which has really changed how i react emotionally and I knew I didn't instigate him.
Well, we slept it off and i was planning on grabbing as much as i could and going to my parents house and never seeing him again. This morning though, the police came. I guess the neigbhors called. They ended up taking him away in handcuffs. Its been a few hours now and I can't help but blame myself. Idk what to do.
Update - hi everyone. i honestly didnt expect to get so many responses and ive been overwhelmed to say the least. my dad is flying down soon and we are going to grab as much as we can and drive to my parents home. I'll probably lie low and go to therapy, etc. i am honestly still in shock and processing a lot of what has happened. I do want to thank everyone who has been so kind. I did feel really guilty about him going to jail so a lot of these comments really helped validate my feelings that i was in the right and not being crazy and I appreciate that a lot. apparently his bail has been posted by his dad and the lawyers are not letting him come home until my dad and i leave so that's good. I will probably look into a restaining order in the morning. thanks again for all the responses i feel bad i couldnt reply to any individually, but im still processing a lot / crying / shaking idk. The worst thing is i have actually offered to go to anger management classes w him multiple times and he never would even entertain it. but thank you everyone again. /:
Update 2 - thank you everyone who has commented or messaged. Your support has helped me through this so so much. I have moved out and blocked everywhere. I'm going to get medical care in the morning as well as a restraining order and will most likely press charges. I can't respond to every commenter, but know that i have been reading through and it means a lot.
There are now concerns that something may have happened to my very young daughter after coming home from a visit with my in-laws. When I told my husband that I found blood in her panties, he told me to take her to the doctor in the morning. After a physical and blood work, it was concluded that there was no infection and the blood was from physical trauma. I brought her to my husband at work (he wasn't there the night before or that day because he is a firefighter and was working a 48hr shift) and told him the doctor was concerned about sexual trauma and asked if there was anyone in his family that we should be worried about, he told me that his brother and sister both made allegations of sexual abuse against his mother when they were teenagers (now in their late 20s), that the abuse occured when they were roughly 3-7 years old, and that he simply "forgot" to tell me. I cannot even wrap my head around this. How does someone forget something like this? How does someone not immediately tell a potential partner (I was a single mom with 2 children when we started dating, he has since adopted both of them) before allowing very young children around this person? I can never trust him again. I cannot trust his judgement. I feel like I've failed my children as a mother. I'm beside myself with grief over what may have happened to my daughter and the shambles that my marriage has become overnight. I wish I could go back. Things will never be the same. And the thought of navigating the world as a a single woman with children and no support system is absolutely terrifying.
TL;DR- daughter may have been molested by MIL. Since this concern has come to light, husband just now told me that he "forgot" to tell me that two of his siblings accused MIL of molesting them as young children. I'm distraught.
ETA: (Because I'm tired of being fussed at by people who won't bother to read any of my comments), To clarify- I brought her home late that night and noticed the blood as I was getting her jammies on before putting her in bed. I took her the very next morning to the pediatrician for evaluation. Upon his recommendation, I took her that afternoon to a SANE nurse for a recorded exam in Atlanta. That evening I called both law enforcement and DFCS to make my reports. I brought the SANE recording and the clothes she was wearing as evidence to the sheriff's office the very next day and met with a special victims investigator to open a case. I also met with the DFCS case worker that day and reported everything and opened a case with them. We took her to a forensic interview completed by a child psychologist by the end of the week and she has since been put into therapy. And obviously, she has had no further contact with any of my husband's family, especially his mother. No physical, no phone calls, nothing. Please stop telling me to do these things and telling me I'm a horrible mother for not. I've done them. ASAP. I'm doing everything I can, and drowning while doing it. Give me a break.
So even though I got amazing advice from all of you, and I even DID dump him, I came back. Kept seeing the guy. And honestly he was the same asshole but seemed to be getting a bit better. Until tonight.
I invited him over. The end of my marriage came up. He again said I have no idea what commitment is. I didn’t even argue with that. Then he took my glasses off and punched me in the nose. I was in shock. He said I deserved it for “not listening” so I tried to explain myself, then he took my glasses off again and slapped me across the face. At this point my common sense kicked in and I screamed at him to not touch me and to leave. He said fine. So I called him a cab. Then he started sobbing and said he couldn’t afford it so I drove him home, at 4am, while he told me I deserved what he did and I’m overreacting and all he did was try and help me and it’s all my fault.
My nose hurts. I’m such a fucking idiot. Please, don’t be me. When someone shows you who they are, believe it. Value yourself. I plan on doing that going forward.
Two months ago I became unexpectedly pregnant. Despite being on birth control and despite the fact that I am 41 years old.
To be honest it was a shock, my S/O and I have a 2.5 year old daughter and honestly thought a second child wouldn't be in our future. Its not that we didn't want one but given my age and our financial situation it seemed best to be happy with our beautiful daughter.
When my period didn't come, I honestly thought I might be starting menopause early. When my pregnancy test showed positive I had so many mixed emotions both happy and scared. In the end, we decided we could make it work and we would love another child and a sibling for our daughter.
Because of my age, my ob suggested I do genetic testing to screen for potential problems. Yesterday I got the call that my baby has a 90% chance of down syndrome. Also that the baby was a boy. I will have another test next week just to confirm what we basically know.
My heart is ripping apart. As much as I already love this baby, as much as I want him, I look into the future and its not good. Financially a special needs child would be near impossible for us. I worry about what this would do for my daugters future. Not just financially but I am an older mom, who would be tasked to care for him when I could not? How can I place that burden on my living child? We can't know the severity of his disabilities until he is born, what kind of life am I laying out before him?
I am leaning towards terminating the pregnancy now, as its still very early, but I am truly torn. I am full of guilt and doubt. Afraid of making the wrong choice. I would like to honestly hear others opinions or experiences who have either been in my position or have a special needs child.
After seeing a couple of similar stories on here I thought I'd share my own story about being misdiagnosed with anxiety for years.
Since about 2017 I've been having a myriad of bizarre symptoms. Random numbness, nerve pain (sometimes severe), exhaustion so severe I've had to quit my job, intense brain fog, vision problems leaving me at times unable to see in my right eye, tingling in my limbs, slurred speech to the point where I've been accused of being drunk, plus other strange and frightening things.
I've seen around 4 different Doctors over the years about these issues. Every single time I would be diagnosed with anxiety and essentially felt as though I was considered a hysterical hypochondriac. At one point a Doctor told me the reason for all my symptoms was because 'driving makes some people anxious, and you drive nearly every day.' Yep. Apparently having immense pain in my back and neck, losing vision in my eye, slurring my speech, and everything else I've experienced is because I drive a car.
That was about 18 months ago. I went home feeling humiliated and stupid. I gave up and have never tried to get a diagnosis again.... Maybe I was just crazy.
That was until a couple of weeks ago when I woke up with completely numb feet. I wasn't scared though, I was used to it. I've dealt with this shit for years and this was just yet another instance of my body being weird. Hoping it would be gone by the next day I ignored it, only to wake up the day after to find that I had completely lost feeling from the chest down.
I went to hospital where I stayed for over a week, and long story short I was diagnosed with a condition called transverse myelitis caused by an 'acute' Multiple Sclerosis flair up.
They did MRI scans on my brain and spine. Some of the many lesions I had were very old, which, according to the neurologist, means that I have likely had MS for years.
Although once diagnosed with my kind of MS there's no way of entirely eliminating the chances of a relapse, there are treatments available and precautions one can take which mean that relapses are less likely to happen and less severe. Because I was undiagnosed and untreated for literally years and have had a severe relapse, I have been in a wheelchair since my diagnosis and I have no idea if I will ever be able to walk normally ever again. I am 27 and I am in a fucking wheelchair. I can't feel ANYTHING below my chest except nerve pain and constant, awful pins and needles.
I've spoken to 2 male friends since my diagnosis. One with epilepsy, and one with MS. Both of my male friends, even the one with MS- who had almost identical symptoms to me, were referred to neurologists immediately. No 'you're anxious because you drive a car' bullshit.
So to any women out there being dismissed by health professionals as I was for fucking years- I feel you. I don't know what else to say except that I am heartbroken and furious that so many of us keep having to go through being labelled as essentially 'hysterical women' when we know we aren't. Not being believed is devastating when you can feel your brain and body failing.
Sorry this is poorly written. I actually have an English Degree but the MS has seemingly robbed me of the ability to think straight enough to write as well as everything else.
EDIT: Thank you all SO MUCH for the support. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes reading through everything. I know I will keep coming back to read these lovely comments when I have a bad day. I'm also so, so sorry to hear all these stories from other women- I feel so lucky that my illness is not life threatening.
Please don't worry about giving me any more awards :)
For those of you that don't believe me - thank you for proving my point.
Finally - I was diagnosed less than 2 weeks ago. Please do not PM me asking if I think you or your loved one has MS or what advice I can give you. My heart really goes out to you but I really am in no position to advise.
Sending hugs ❤️
The first year was absolutely perfect and I thought this guy was my soulmate. He was so sweet and romantic and caring and fun. That's probably why when this shit started I let it slide and just assumed I was overreacting, because my soulmate would never have bad intentions, would he?
He decided to take up photography and photo editing as a hobby and he would always ask to take photos of me. When he'd show me the final edited results, he had ALWAYS photoshopped my face. Made my nose smaller, made my eyes and lips bigger, made my hair longer, etc. Anybody who knew me could see that was not my face and he was not just touching up the photos. He even used one of them as his phone lock screen. I told him he wasn't allowed to take any more pictures of me if he was going to edit them into oblivion and my face is already perfectly fine and doesn't need enhancements. He got defensive and said he was "just practicing" on photoshop. He agreed to stop, but then he started accusing me of editing MY photos. Like I'd post a photo on Instagram and he'd say "You said you don't like photoshop so why did you edit the picture you just posted? Where is the bump in your nose?" when I hadn't done anything besides brighten them.
He would constantly tell me that his ex-wife was bisexual and how "hot" it was. He would push me to say I was bisexual too, like if I ever mentioned how pretty another woman was he would ask if I was into her and then say "See? You are a little bi". I felt like I was boring and vanilla, and he kept badgering me about it, so eventually when he said "Would you ever mess around with another woman?" I said "I don't know, maybe if the situation arose". He ended up making me a W4W Tinder profile and started talking to all of these women as me. Then, he told me that he SET UP A DATE with a woman from the app and she was going to come over for drinks that night and he was going to listen from the downstairs bedroom. I felt really uncomfortable, both because of him spying and because I am NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN. I told him to cancel it and he said it would be fine and I'd probably like it. She came over and we hung out and watched a movie. I didn't make a move on her and she didn't make a move on me. When she left, my boyfriend complained that we were boring and he fell asleep during our date. I told him to delete the app and he said he would just use it to chat from now on because he "didn't have many friends in our city and it was nice to talk to new people". I told him to delete the app or we were finished and he finally did.
I hate anal sex. I told my boyfriend on many occasions that I hate it and it's not on the menu. Anyway, his friends offered to get us some GHB for fun. I took some when we were at a club (I'm not a recreational drug user at all but I wanted to fit in). He didn't take any but he was drinking a lot. I was super impaired and apparently really horny. I asked my boyfriend if we could go home to have sex and he got us a cab. On the way, I said "you can do anything you want to me!" blah blah, dirty talking. We get home and he gives me some more GHB and I black out completely. I woke up the next day with no memory and my ass was really sore. I asked what happened and he said we did anal. I told him I hate anal and he said "No you loved it, you were begging for it". I told him if I did "love it" it's because I was impaired and literally blacked out and he said "You're making it sound like you were unconscious, you were totally conscious and into it". I put it to the back of my brain because I had told him we could do what he wanted, but it really hurts me to think that the only thing he wanted to do was something I hated and wouldn't ever say yes to if I was sober...
He already had an adult kid, and when we started dating I specifically asked if he was open to having another because I wanted one. He said yes. Then, after we got engaged two years later, he told me that he didn't actually want any more. I told him I needed some time to think about whether I wanted to get married, because this was very important to me and I felt betrayed that had told at the start of our relationship that he was on board. A few days later he changed his tune and said "You know, I was thinking and I realized I'm okay with having another child - with the right woman" and the wedding was back on. However, that last part was a total thorn in my side. If I ever upset him or disagreed with him, he would quickly say "I thought you were the right woman, but now I'm not so sure. I don't know if I should have kids with you".
He decided to take a completely unnecessary vacation to California to visit his friends during the height of the pandemic to go to a HALLOWEEN PARTY. He didn't quarantine in California or when he returned to Massachusetts despite both states requiring it, and his party certainly broke the lockdown rules. I told him I didn't want him to go, and he told me "I'm not asking you to come so it's none of your business". I told him he was being selfish and unsafe and he told me I was being a "judgmental, rude brat who thought I was better than everyone". He went on the trip and ghosted me for 6 days when he was down there. When I finally got ahold of him, he told me to stop bothering him because I was ruining his vacation and that he doesn't respect me anymore. I started crying, so he held onto that "I don't respect you" line for future fights because he knew it was a winner.
He started tracking my location on an app and would question me when I left my apartment without mentioning it to him first. I finally figured out what was happening and he responded by accusing me of going out to fuck other guys and being a "lying, cheating waste of time". He then refused to answer the phone while I desperate tried to call him. The next day, he called to beg for forgiveness. He said he was drunk and depressed in lockdown and his ex-wife had cheated and he was traumatized by that. My clown ass AGREED TO TAKE HIM BACK as long as he went to therapy...he went twice and then stopped because he didn't like his therapist.
He offered to show me sex videos/photos of his ex. Just out of the blue one day. I told him that keeping those was so disrespectful to both me and her, and asked if she would be happy to know he still has those. He got so mad and told me "we can talk about this when you calm down and stop being so judgmental, you don't get to call me disrespectful, they're just in my cloud and I barely think about them" and ignored me until I apologized for my outburst except to inform me that he deleted all his photos of ME instead of her since it's so "disrespectful" to have them. I did apologize (ugh omg) for "assuming the worst" and he made a big production about deleting them to appease my "insecurity".
He refused to discuss anything over text. He had said some mean, inappropriate things over text and when I brought it up, he denied it. When I referred to his texts to show him, he got angry and said I "couldn't let anything go". After that, if I wanted to discuss anything that wasn't sexting or memes, he refused to answer unless I called him. I would text him to ask a question about the wedding or a house we were looking at or something he said and he would say "We can talk about this on the phone". It didn't matter if I was busy or at work or anything. Once he banned me from texting him for a week because I "relied on it too much" and if I wanted to talk to him I had to call. I didn't call for a day and he got pissed about that and accused me of not wanting to talk to him.
He told me I needed to see a therapist for my "mental issues" because I was constantly upset with him (I wonder why??). He told me I probably had borderline personality disorder and I reminded him of his crazy ex-wife and he didn't want to marry another crazy person so I had to get it sorted out. I made a therapy appointment and he gave me a huge list of my "issues" that he wanted me to fix. Things like how insecure I was, how I got mad when he talked about his past (aka him talking about his sex life with his ex-wife), how judgmental I was (for being upset about his trip), how I never gave him the benefit of the doubt...my therapist was HORRIFIED and told me that this relationship was toxic and I should leave. I didn't.
I asked him one day to stop speaking so poorly of his 2nd ex-wife (he did it constantly) and he told me to stop being insecure. I asked if he had treated her like he treated me, because if he did I couldn't blame her for acting "crazy". He said "No, we argue because we have so much passion. I never had passion with her. Ask her yourself" and literally gave me her e-mail. So, I e-mailed her. I didn't give her any personal details, I just asked if she had experienced the same constant arguing that I was and what I could do to fix it. She sent me back an incredibly kind, long and revealing response in which she WORD FOR WORD recounted exactly the same treatment I had been getting, only worse. I asked why he had lied to me and he yelled at me and said "I shouldn't have been stupid enough to think he was serious when he told me to e-mail her" and called her a liar (except she wasn't lying, she knew nothing about our situation and yet wrote an e-mail that I could have written myself). He then told me I had mental issues again, and I said "How dare you say that to me". He told me I was overreacting and I said "I'm not, it's an incredibly cruel and dismissive thing to say that I have mental issues because I am questioning your behavior". He then said "I NEVER SAID YOU HAD MENTAL ISSUES, I SAID YOU WERE OVERREACTING" and that I had misheard him!!
Anyway, I left him and cancelled everything, and a few weeks later he e-mailed me to tell me that his friends had been asking what happened and when he told them, they couldn't believe how abusive and controlling I was and how he was better off without me. The entire last 8 months of our relationship (after we got engaged) are just him calling me names, ghosting me, gaslighting me and lying to me. I have 100 more examples but these are just the ones that really stick with me and make me feel like an insane person for not dumping him immediately. It's been a few weeks since he last e-mailed me and I oscillate between relieved that I didn't go through with the wedding and sick to my stomach that he still doesn't see the issue with anything he did or said, and some other poor girl (probably one who's half his age like I was, and like his ex-wife was) is going to be dealing with this in a few weeks or months. I used to have such good self esteem, I can't believe I put up with this...
EDIT Thank you guys so much for all the comments and DMs and award thingies! I am reading and upvoting every single one, just know I appreciate it so much. I haven't talked to my friends or family about this stuff, just the more minor stuff, because I was so embarrassed, but I really appreciate you listening to me here.
I’m a 16 y/o girl in an internship that is mixed ages and genders ranging from high school kids to adults, there is an older guy maybe 45 or so idk he’s going bald tho lmao. Anyways he was always courteous and stuff he would offer me rides home if I ever needed, I never accepted though because I’m not an idiot. Today I was talking with him and another kid around my age about internship stuff when he asks me again if I need a ride home except this time he follows it by asking if we could “have a further relationship” and like grinned at me? So I was like “I’m literally 16” AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST SMILES AND GOES “well that’s fine” so me and the other kid just stand there in shock looking at each other like “did this motherfucker just admit he’s a pedophile”(after the old guy left the kid checked up on me and asked if I wanted to report it to someone or something which was nice of him) During the moment I was sufficiently creeped out but after the shock subsided I just got pissed and felt disgusted (with the man not myself I didn’t do shit wrong lol) because there is no way I would be mistaken for an adult and I’ve mentioned being in high school before. I am kinda muscular but still quite short, around 5’ and I look rather young for my age and I just got so mad because I know I get this kind of attention from creeps because I look “young and submissive” and all these grown ass men are into that shit. I’m also pissed because I can’t go two fucking weeks without being harassed by old dudes. (My friends and I got screamed at at the beach a bit ago). I carry mace and I only have one day left of this internship but I’m just fucking livid because so many old men have the gall to expect sex and whatever else from LITERAL FUCKING CHILDREN.
UPDATE: Ok wowza you guys!!!! I can't wait to jump in and read all of your responses. I'm so touched you have no idea! While skimming a few responses and messages in my notifications, I see a bunch of you are asking what state I live in and what organization helped me. I live in Louisiana and the organization that I reached out to is called New Orleans Abortion Fund. They are amazing human beings. Your donations would mean the world to me, them, and women in Louisiana who are dealing with this difficult experience with even worse parameters than I am. THANK YOU!
I think I just want to share my experience with someone who may understand. Or maybe this will have info that will help someone down the line. I haven't told anyone in real life about my abortion (except for my housemate just so she was aware incase I needed medical assistance), so I have no one to update or share my story with right now. Feels very isolating, tbh.
I got pregnant from an extremely drunk one night stand on April 18th of this year. I knew I was pregnant before I even missed my period. I took a pregnancy test on May 1st and it was positive, so I then took 6 more and queue anxiety attack. I do not know the father's last name or have his phone number to contact him but I didn't want to anyway. I had already made my decision right then and there and didn't need his help to do so, so involving him was irrelevant in my opinion and just messy for no reason.
On May 3rd I started calling the clinics. My state is unfortunately a very backwards and conservative place that does not make it easy for us. There are only 3 clinics in the state and the furthest one from me being 5 hours, closest is about 20 minutes. They're all owned by the same company so when you call to make the appointment, a receptionist then tries to connect you to scheduling at the clinic of your choosing. 100% of the time for me, the receptionist would come back and tell me that all scheduling agents were on the line and to call back in 2 minutes to try to get one. I thought this was ridiculous the first 10 times I did it, so you can imagine my frustration after 30+ times at all 3 clinics. On my last try for that day, I got through to a scheduling agent only for her to tell me they couldn't take any more appointments and were closing for the day. At 2pm.
I started researching all over the internet about medical abortions and my options, and I started to get really paranoid that I was further along than I thought or that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and could be in a life threatening situation. Since I couldn't get in to any clinics, I made an appointment at my gynecologist so he could tell me my status. I saw him on May 10th and learned that I was 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant, due January 8, 2022 (that was so weird to hear), and having a normal in-uterine pregnancy.
This gave me so much peace of mind as I had about a month to legally get an abortion at the clinics or get my hands on the pills somehow. I read a bit about aidaccess.org and exchanged emails with them, but I wanted to try a few more avenues before risking the pills getting lost in the mail or taking too long to come in. I started researching some more and found an organization in my state that will help fund abortion procedures. I didn't need help with the funds but I figured they probably knew more than me about what the hell I should do and they did, thank God.
The organization contact traight up told me that it's going to be next to impossible to get a medical abortion in my state due to COVID unless I'm calling around the clock on several phones (are you fucking kidding me?) and that I'd most likely end up needing the procedure due to pregnancy progression. She was very empathetic and very much in agreement with me that our state fucking sucks, so she told me my best bet for a medical abortion was to go to the nearest Planned Parenthood that offered them and they would PayPal me a stipend for travel and meals, so that's what I did.
The closest one is about 5 hours from my home town so I turned down their stipend since I could afford it. Luckily for me, the PP I went to was able to waive the mandatory wait period between the initial visit and the first pill (due to COVID, not always), so I only had to go there once and could go back home and not miss so much work. I got my appointment for yesterday and it went like a normal doctor's visit goes. I took one pill with the doctor and was given 4 more for today, 24 hours from the first. From my understanding, the first pill kills the gestation and then the next expel everything from your uterus. I had absolutely zero symptoms from the first pill, and truthfully I think I had the greatest day I've had all month.
This morning at 9am I took 10mg of oxycodone that I already had (they told me to take Tylenol, but I was very nervous about the cramping). 10am, I put 2 tablets of the abortion medication on either side of my mouth between my cheek and gums and let it dissolve for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, I swallowed the remains. I put on my granny panties and a maxipad and immediately got curled up in bed with a heating pad on my stomach. I woke up at about 12:45 to very obvious cramps and nausea.
The cramps aren't so bad for me even now as I type this, probably due to the painkiller. The NAUSEA on the other hand is debilitating. I break out in to a full body, DRIPPING sweat every single time I pass a clot. I just sit on the toilet with my face in an empty plastic bag, sweating, gagging but nothing comes up. And then it goes completely away and left in the toilet is tiny clots and tissue remnants, but that's it. What's wild to me is that I was expecting a full, heavy flow but it's almost like... pooping. There's nothing else in there but the clots and nothing on my pad. It's only when I sit on the toilet!! I know I'm in for a good 6+ more hours of my uterus shedding so I'm sure it will get gnarly and unpredictable, but I just was not expecting it to be like this.
I do feel better after writing my experience, so thanks for reading lol. And I also just want to say that I'm really lucky for being financially stable enough to do this, or not emotionally conflicted about it, forced or abused, I have a means of travel, the ability to even go through with it... so many women don't. And that's probably the only thing that has made me cry about all of this is that I can't believe it's really like this for us. The barriers I faced were stressful but fucking small compared to a woman with nothing and no resources. I can't imagine.
Abortion is healthcare and I will never stop fighting for that.
Edit: Thank you all so very much for the awards and nice words. I am going to try to move around and make some tea and maybe nap again or take a bath. Still nauseous, but not nearly as bad, and in virtually no pain at all. You have all touched my heart and made a shitty day better. And you should feel good knowing you made a sad, lonely stranger feel love and support. I will be back to read and respond to all of you in a bit. Thank you.
I am trying to get my nexplanon, a birth control arm implant, removed and no provider at my primary care clinic is able to do it, which is a simple outpatient procedure that takes less than 20 minutes to do. To go to my OBGYN clinic to see a provider that can perform the procedure, I need a referral from my primary care clinic, which should not be a big deal.
This morning I went to my appointment to get my referral and encountered a jerk of a doctor. He interrupted me several times as I tried to explain the reason for my visit and I had to correct him several times as he kept referring to my arm implant as an IUD, which is completely the wrong type of implant. He insisted that in order to get a referral I would have to get a pelvic ultrasound. I've had an arm implant removed before and didn't need a pelvic ultrasound previously, which I tried to explain to the doctor but he interrupted again to say that it's requirement and I wouldn't get a referral without one.
Trying to contain my rising frustration, I looked him straight in the eye and said "No". I explained once again that I have an arm implant and don't meet any criteria for a pelvic ultrasound. He tried to say that it was a general requirement so I had him pull up the criteria to go through it. Some of the criteria included diagnosed endometrial conditions, fibroids, abnormal bleeding, presence of an IUD, etc. None of which apply to me. After going through the criteria, the doctor was quiet for a second and said the OBGYN clinic would contact me to set up an appointment for an arm implant removal.
It was a frustrating experience for sure, but I am happy that I stuck up for myself and told a doctor "no". 18 year old me would have been too intimidated to speak up but thanks to others for talking about being their own advocate, like on this sub, I have learned a lot in taking control of my own medical care.
Tldr: A doctor said I needed to get an unnecessary procedure and I said no
Edit: for some common questions, 1) my insurance requires a referral for OBGYN & 2) I will be reporting this provider
I did not have a happy childhood. My mom was obsessed with the performing arts, she was a failed actress. I was overweight, not overly attractive and not talented in that way. I was bookish and shy. My mother always let me know what a disappointment I was to her. My little sister on the other hand was naturally talented and very beautiful. She had everything I didn't. She was my mothers golden child. Mom showered her with praise and attention and mostly ignored or belittled me. I grew up hating my mother and resenting my sister. I was jealous of her. Jealous of her looks, jealous of her talent, and jealous of the love our mother showered on her. My sister wasn't really mean to me but I wasn't particularly warm to her. As soon as I turned 18 I left for college and never looked back. I lost touch with them both.
Over the years my sister has gone on to great success in the entertainment industry. I watched her career flourish from afar but we never kept in touch. I went to college, got a degree, built a career and a family, and mostly put my sister and my mother behind me.
During the pandemic my sister reached out to me on social media. She wanted to get back in touch with me. Regretted that we hadn't kept in touch, apologized for being so busy. As if it was her fault alone. I decided to try and put my bitterness aside and talk to her. We caught up. One day talking to her I mentioned how I felt that she had gotten the best of mom and she laughed. She said I was lucky. Mom had always been very demanding of her, always pushed her, critical, overbearing, she told me she never had a spare second to herself. She was always being dragged to beauty pageants, auditions, acting lessons, singing lessons, dancing lessons, modeling lessons. A typical stage mom. I never saw the worst of it. Once I had left Mom was terrible to her. Mom would berate her for even small mistakes. She had crazy high expectations of her and was putting immense pressure on a teenage girl and without me to vent her anger on she vented it on my sister, putting her under even more pressure. My sister told me how sad and lonely she was through her teenage years and how she had wanted to be closer to me.
I was floored. I had spent so much time resenting the love I thought mom showed her I never realized how toxic that "love" really was. I never realized how terribly mom had treated her too. I saw my sisters success later in life and never thought of her as another victim of my mothers. I dont know what to say to her now. I dont know how to explain to her why I never kept in touch or how much bitterness and resentment I had for her. I was so busy being jealous of her I never saw how she was a little girl being bullied by our mother as well. I'm ashamed of myself.
Edit: I just got back from work and am checking all the replies now. Wow thank you all so much. I think I will gather my courage and show her this post.
Over the last year, being an Asian girl, of Chinese decent, has really opened my eyes to have horrible people can be. When the pandemic started the racist jokes just ramped up, mostly from my own friends too.
As the pandemic went on it only seemed to worsen. I could barley go out for a walk without being screamed at by some person who thought the government’s failure to contain COVID-19 was my fault. It was always something about me being an Asian woman too, threats of rape of death in the middle of a neighbourhood, along with some slurs added in.
With the shooting in Atlanta I’m now just fucking infuriated. “Having a bad day” are you serious? I’ve had so many bad days after being harassed while I try to get some damn exercise and yet I haven’t taken it out on anyone.
How many men on the street that threatened me with death and rape were close to having a “bad day” like that guy? I can’t help but to think that the men who’ve threatened me on the street aren’t far off from the monster who targeted and a committed terrorism on innocent asian woman working at a spa.
F/28 STEM professional here. I work in AI heuristics and design. We had a meeting with a potential client today. I wore a tailored men's business suit with a conservative scarf. I am a tall, slim, redhead and considered attractive. I made a chart of anticipated decision points within the programme. I was leaning over the table making my points but my scarf ends kept falling onto the chart, I took it off so as not to be a distraction. I was wearing a simple white blouse with the top two buttons undone - hardly risqué. As I was making my presentation, I noticed one of the three men was obviously trying to look down my blouse every time I bent over to point something out. This happened 5 or 6 times. My B+ boobs are hardly distracting, especially dressed as I was. The man who couldn't keep his eyes off them was their head IT guy. About 1/3 of the way through, the CEO interrupted me. He told the IT guy that if he couldn't keep his mind on business, he could leave. I apologised and offered to button up if it was distracting. He said not to bother and apologised to me about his guy's behaviour and the interruption. IT guy left and I continued. I felt SO empowered! The CEO respected both me and my work enough that he was willing to have his man leave so I would not feel uncomfortable. I have never had this happen before. I just had to let my sisters in STEM know times are changing! Keep up the good work. We're getting there.
I left early this morning when he was asleep. I found his empty bottles in his truck and when he was getting angry and calling me names last night I knew he was drunk. He hit me last January and promised he would never drink again.
My boyfriend and I both currently work in (different) restaurants. I work as a server, and he works as a bar manager.
Yesterday, he came home from work and was fairly distant and quiet. I could tell his mind was elsewhere. So, I prodded a little bit over the course of a few hours, as I was concerned for him.
Well, when he opened up...I was shocked.
Yesterday, a family of 5 walked into his restaurant, and the father wasn’t wearing a mask. Currently, his restaurant requires that everyone wears a mask while entering the building, walking around the building, working, or leaving the building. And they hold to it.
So, a young teenage hostess asked the father if he had a mask...they have masks to provide to guests should they not have one.
The mother answered “Oh! He doesn’t wear a mask.” And chuckled.
The father...then lifted his shirt, revealing a gun on his hip, and stated “When you have one of these, you don’t need a mask!”
The hostess made a quick and smart decision...she de-escalated the situation and sat the family at a table closest to the door.
She then immediately informed my boyfriend and the front of house manager of what happened.
Both managers assessed the situation, and decided to call the police. When the police showed up, they escorted the father to the parking lot. A few minutes later, the father re-entered the building, spoke with his family quietly, and they left the restaurant.
Can you imagine being a teenager making minimum wage, being threatened by a grown man with a gun...over a mask being required on private property??
He literally threatened a teenager with a gun in order to gain access to private property...all because he didn’t want to comply with restaurant’s mask requirements, which are in line with current CDC recommendations and government mandates...
The hostess must be terrified to go back to work!
I’m terrified to go back to work at my restaurant!
My boyfriend worries if the father will retaliate, and if others will act as the father did...
I’ve rarely worried for my safety at work or the safety of others...but, fuck this guy for making so many people so fearful just to go to work, pay their bills, and live their lives!
I grew up in a very religious household. I'm no longer religious. I have a lot of very conservative, openly anti abortion people on my social media. With everything going on, especially the death of RBG, I feel compelled to share how abortion saved my life. But I'm too scared.
It's something I've never told anyone, not even my closest friends. But it saved me and allowed me to become the woman I am today and I'm 100% grateful. No regrets. I want to show all those hateful people I know that abortion can have positive outcomes. Not everyone who gets an abortion is an infertile, mentally destroyed woman who laments her choice like their propaganda tells them.
I genuinely one of the easiest ways to destigmatize something is to TALK about it. Open up the conversation and erase the shame around it. But I know it would come at a cost. I'm feeling emboldened and guilty because I feel like a hypocrite.
EDIT: Thank you all so much for the awards and kind words. I am overwhelmed by the positive outcome of posting this. Seriously, thank you all.
To the people sending me hateful messages, keep them coming. I'm genuinely enjoying laughing at the vitriol.
I never thought it could happen to me. I don't want kids, never have, and neither does my husband. I was firmly pro-life...until I realized my period was seven days late. And then I began to realize what it felt like to be trapped. I had my period today (so not pregnant) but I was forced to consider so many things yesterday and the day before. I'll never allow myself to judge others for their reproductive choice ever again.
I'm so sick of the everyday sexism. I'm exhausted.
I'm a physician, and I get bullshit for being a female literally every day. I typically have a good sense for benign bias from well-meaning patients and colleagues versus malignant, angry sexism, and I navigate those scenarios accordingly. That alone takes some effort, but it's become second nature, so whatever. I'm used to being called "nurse" or "ma'am" or "miss" or "lady" by patients. I've described, in detail, a surgery I am JUST ABOUT TO PERFORM, and had the patient afterwards ask when they can speak to a doctor. I've had a patient call me "sweetheart" while I was sticking a needle into him. I've come to assess a very sick ICU patient and had an old female nurse declare "the little lady is here!". I've fought very public fights with sexist superiors and become better and stronger for it. I'm known as vocally opinionated and "sassy", and that's fine, I definitely am. I normally try to wear that proudly.
This pediatric month, I'm working with a colleague of my training level who is way less experienced in our current content but still CONSTANTLY interrupts me when I'm talking to staff and patients during MY procedures, and I've chalked it up to social unawareness. Today, I enter a room to do a procedure and introduce myself as "Dr. MrsRodgers" to the patient's dad. I go to shake the patient's father's hand, and he physically recoils, takes 2 steps back, and says, "Oh, oh, I can't shake your hand, sorry, it's religous". I was confused, but whatever, fine, roll with it. I start explaining the procedure I am about to perform on his child, and my colleague barrels in. He interrupts me immediately, stating, "Hi, I'm Dr. Colleague, I work with *MY FIRST NAME*", and walks up to shake the dad's hand. The dad immediately extends his hand and engages in a handshake.
I was fucking crushed. I felt so dehumanized. Watching my patient's father shake my less experienced male colleague's hand, the male colleague who had just introduced himself as Dr. Colleague while stripping me of my title and casually referring to me as my first name, after that father had just recoiled from my handshake... In that moment, I realized it never ends. This fight never ends. It doesn't matter what I do, what degrees I earn, how hard I work, how smart or compassionate or accomplished I ever am or ever will be. I will always be second class. I will always be interrupted by male colleagues. I will always deal with sexist "jokes" from old male attendings. I will always be called nurse at best, sexually harassed at worst by patients. People will always look to my younger male trainees and assume they're in charge. It never ends. I am so fucking tired of fighting this fight and I am so, so sad that everything I've worked my entire life for is ignored daily by patients, colleagues, and bosses. I am angry that my conservative friends/family immediately dismiss my LIVED sexist experiences any time I share. It SUCKS. I wish I had the confidence and gravitas of an under-qualified man. I really do.
Tomorrow, I pick up the mantle and fight again. But tonight, I'm just tired. Thanks for listening, ladies, love you all.
Edit: Wow guys, this blew up. I'm reading everything, I promise. First and foremost to the brilliant, accomplished women sharing their stories and frustrations: you are smart and strong and loved. Thank you for making this world better. To the empathetic men: thank YOU for listening, and for being allies/advocates. You are appreciated. To the people trying to explain the no-handshake religious stuff: I get it. I'm not arguing the validity/merit/rules of their religion, I'm just sharing how dehumanizing it was. To those worried about my workplace: I work for a great institution, this stuff happens everywhere. And to the people messaging me physical threats of violence and calling me a c**t: thanks for adding fuel to the fire.
Throwaway account. As the title states my birth control failed and I found out last week I was pregnant. My husband (30M) and I (26F) discussed our options in depth but we can barely financially support ourselves currently and I cannot do my job while pregnant due to the company’s insurance and associated risks. I am a contractor and would lose my job immediately if my employer found out. We want to be parents someday but it’s not the right time and we have no support from family/ friends. We also both grew up in poverty and swore we would never do that to our future children.
After a lot of long discussions we decided that, since it’s so early in the pregnancy, abortion is the best way forward. I did my best to be informed and do my research as to where to go and who to talk to but felt like I was going in circles so I figured my best bet was to talk to my GP and go from there (the closest Planned Parenthood type clinic is two+ hours away). I thought she might be able to provide more information or, at the very least, confirm that I am pregnant.
This is where my asshat of a doctor comes in. I’ve been seeing her for about two years and she is the typical 2 minutes at most with you doctor. She really doesn’t seem to have any f***s to give when it comes to her patients and makes you feel like you are wasting everyone’s time if you ask her questions.
Knowing this, I made sure to call and be very specific about my needs telling them I was pregnant and needing an abortion. The staff assured me multiple times that I needed to come into the office to speak to my doctor about it and would not provide anymore details in terms of cost or what to expect etc.
I show up for the appointment with my husband and am asked when I check in what the appointment is for. I tell them that I am pregnant and need to discuss my options, receptionist enters it in and tells me to have a seat. When we finally get taken into a room, the nurse asks me again what I am here for and again I say I’m pregnant and need to discuss abortion options. She writes it down without saying anything, takes my blood pressure and leaves.
Enter Dr. Asshat, stage left.
Dr. A - “Hello. Why are you here today?”
Me -“ I’m pregnant and need to discuss my options for...”
Dr. A - (interrupting) “How do you know? At home pregnancy tests?”
Me - “Yes, I’ve taken a couple and they all came out....”
Dr. A - (interrupting) “So you need a referral for pre-natal care.”
Me - “Um no, we’re not ready to have a child yet and I wanted to discuss our options with you”
Dr. A - (long pause while she looks at me, disgusted) “You mean you want an abortion? Really? An abortion? Ugh. (Makes aggressive eye contact with me) That’s sad. (Looks at my husband, expectantly. Long pause while she stares daggers at us. Then rustles paperwork and get up as if to leave) We don’t do that here. No one in the area does.”
Me -“Ok, but when I called I specifically told them this is what I needed and they told me....”
Dr. A - (interrupting whilst huffing out a sigh like I’m the slowest idiot she’s ever dealt with) “I can refer you to someone for pre-natal care but that’s it. Nothing else. We don’t do anything like that. There isn’t anywhere near here that even does...those. You’ll have to figure that out on your own.”
Me -“Ok, but when I called I specifically told them I needed an abortion and they told me I had to schedule an appointment to talk to you.”
Dr. A - (continuing to gather up her paperwork) “We’ll just cancel this appointment then, is that all?”
Me - “Um yes, that was all”
Dr. A - (walking out without a backward glance) “go down the hall to the right.” End scene.
I ended up getting a refund for my co-pay and bawling my eyes out in the parking lot while my husband hugged me. I have been so stressed about this (on top of being exhausted, dealing with morning sickness, and crazy emotional swings) and she made me feel like a despicable human being and utterly worthless.
I understand that she is allowed to have her own opinions on the matter and has every right to disagree with our choice. However, as a medical professional that I entrust my care to, she does NOT have the right to make shitty comments about that choice and she does not have the right to treat me/us the way she did. (The clinic she works for is not religiously affiliated and does not have any posted information anywhere about being anti-choice.)
My husband and I are both upset and angry but have not, and will not, change our minds on this. I’ll also be finding a new GP as soon as humanly possible.
Edit -Holy shit y’all are amazing. I went for a walk to try and clear my head (can’t stay upset for long watching an exuberantly happy pup on a walk) and came back to such an outpouring of love and support and I’m so overwhelmed. THANK YOU to everyone who wrote encouraging words and to those that gave much needed advice. I have an appointment with the aforementioned Planned Parenthood and have transportation so hopefully this whole situation will be resolved in no time. I am working my way through the comments and doing my best to reply where I can. Thank you all. You will never know just how much of an impact you’ve had. I no longer feel like my husband an I are alone in this 💜
Edit 2 - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE AWARDS!! Thanks for even more encouraging comments and for the silver and gold guys. Y’all really do know how to turn a gal’s day around. My husband and I can’t thank you enough for the support! Thank you for the loving comments and messages. Thank you to all those that messaged with offers of rides or funds. Thank you!!
Also just a few bits of info for y’all that are asking; - I do live in the US (crazy this shit is still happening here, right?) in Florida specifically. - I have called and set up an appointment with the most ‘local’ PP office and do have transportation there.
Lastly: to those lovely individuals sending me expletive and hate filled messages; save your breath. I’m not reading them and clearly you have your own personal issues to work out with all that copious free time currently spent on badly written hate mail. Please seek help for your violent tendencies so that you can handle having adult conversations with people without throwing a tantrum and using the word ‘cunt’.
Edit 3 - Last edit y’all! Thank you so much for all of the messages, chats, and comments. I’ve done my best to respond to everyone, if I missed you I’m sorry. My husband and I are incredibly thankful for this community and the support you’ve shown us today. I will continue to respond as I can. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!! Thank you to all those that shared their stories in support and offered a shoulder to lean on should we need it. You’ve made us feel so loved and I could never thank you enough.
Yeah, the title kinda says it. I'd like to clarify there are worse things women experience, and women of all sizes get harased. And I wouldn't trade my improved health/life for anything.
But I guess it's justust weird emotionally, and I was hoping you all would understand. It's common "advice" among weightloss groups that as you loose major weight, the men get nicer and women get meaner. Which some absolute bullshit, my female friends have been nothing but supportive. But yeah, past the litteral dating pool expansion, it's the increase in basic humanity that gets to me. I get more male eye contact, compliments, doors opened. Like I can't be mad at someone for litterally being nice to me, but at the same time, it pisses me off.
And then there's the literal harassment, it's all increased. The random dick picks, the creepy customers, feeling unsafe on streets and in bars. And I'm not even model status, just more passable. There's just this sick twisted irony to it all. I'm finally in control of my health and my body and sometimes it's like damn I whish I was fat enough to dance in club and not have anyone try to grind on me again. Weightloss communities celebrate "non scale victories", and there's so many good ones, like clothing and hikes and fitting in airplane seats, but no one prepared me that unwanted male harassment was going to be a measure of my success. And it pisses me off.
So here's to putting less stress on my internal organs, and doing more of the things I love. But also being a women is really hard sometimes, and there are days I miss my cloak of invisibility. To everyone out there doing their best, big, small, or in-between, on a health journey to gain, loose, or maintain-- virtual group hug?
Yesterday I was riding the bus home with a good friend of mine. We were sitting and talking about what we should do when we got to my place and I told her I really wanted to show her Hannah Gadsby's Nanette.
Suddenly I'm feeling something on my left upper thigh/ upper butt cheek. I'm looking down, because I thought my cigarettes might be falling out of my pocket or something, but it felt wrong. And then I notced a man sitting on the seat behind me. My mind instantly thought of the posts I've read here from women being groped on the bus. Women who have stayed silent, because they were unsure if what they were really experiencing it or because they've been taught to never make a scene. I've been taught the same. I'm dead scared of confrontation and I constantly doubt my self.
I'm also trying to learn self-love and building self-worth.
We're almost at our stop and we discuss getting off soon. I still wasn't sure if I was actually touched by the man behind me, but decided I would share it with my friend when we get off and discuss it with her.
Then he touches me again. This time on my right side.
Something fucking snapped. I got up on my knees on the seat and turned around and looked down on the white man in his 30s in a grey track suit behind me. My voiced deepened and hardened as I ask him what the FUCK he thought he was doing. He didn't got a chance to answer before I loudly and firmly said that he should never EVER touch strangers on the bus.
He answered in a tone where he was trying to sound inoccent and trying to make me out to be the crazy one in this scenario. People were looking at us now. "I haven't touched you. I don't know what you're talking about" he said.
I said to him that he knew exactly what I was talking about, that he was a fucking creep and that he should never ever grope women agian.
And then we got off. And I was so fucking proud.
I wouldn't have done this 6 months ago, but I'm now doing the most self-loving thing there is: trusting myself.
And I made a fucking scene and that disgusting person had to sit there knowing that everybody in the bus knew that he was a creep who sexually assaults people.
I wanted to share it with you ladies, because one of the things that made me trust my instinct when I thought something might be off was you sharing your similar stories (Sidenote: I can also recommend reading The Gift of Fear), so now I want to share mine with you.
I still have to process the difficult emotions that come with being put in that situation, but sharing it with you is the first step in that proces.
Edit: I've been using my sunday morning reading comments and trying to answer a few where it made sense. The vast, vast majority of the comments have been supportive and you guys have shared your similar experiences and I so want to thank you for that. Sharing something like this, no matter how small or big the violation in itself was, is incredibly scary and I feel very vulnerable and overwhelmed right now. I did not expect this to get as much attention as it did and although a part of me wants to take it down, because I currently feel very exposed, I can see the value in and be grateful that it opened up for the discussion that it did. Although it saddens me that so many women can relate to this I truly appreciate you sharing your experiences here so we can make sure that the next woman this happens to trusts herself and her instincts.
There's a few comments questioning if I was sure it really was the guy and not my friend or some other explanation. My friend wouldn't do that. He was the only one in reach of me other than my friend. I'm also a person that most of the time doubt myself, my experiences and feelings. I do not doubt this experience. Not even for a second. You might not believe me and I have learned to accept the things I cannot change. Just know that you had a choice here: to trust a woman or the creep. Today you chose to trust the creep. I hope you make a better choice next time.
Hi guys. I don’t even know what I want from this, but I’m really struggling today with New Years happening. I have an infant son who I am now the sole parent for. My husband had just admitted to having an affair with my friend for three months, then he killed himself after telling me. He took off in our 1 car and wouldn’t pick up his phone so there was nothing I could do to stop him. My friend blocked me on everything and is continuing her life with her own husband and son. I don’t know what to expect from 2020. I’m feeling so left behind. I guess I just need some love. Or maybe just tell me how your 2019 was. Or let’s just talk about any of our problems and commiserate. Thanks. Also, I had to create a new reddit account to post this; I mainly lurk and when I tried to post with my other account it didn’t work for some reason. Thanks.
Edit: wow, thank you all so much for the overwhelming support. I posted this because I was feeling desperate, heartbroken and alone today. I no longer feel that way. I am reading every single message and comment... I will get back to you but it’s going to take me some time! Anyways, thanks from the bottom of my heart and know that you’ve made a really sad New Years a little bit brighter for me and my son. Happy New Year, everyone.
I have no idea where to post this but could really use some support right now. My husband and I live in Michigan. As some of you might know, michigan is kind of a hotspot for the coronavirus right now. We had been in quarantine since before the start of the stay at home order. However on April first, my husband started to have a fever and a cough.
Things slowly started to get worse. About 4 days after he started feeling sick, I started to have symptoms. We were both experiencing the same types of things, fever, chills, fatigue, and a dry cough. We thought for sure this was the beginning of the virus.
I would be considered a high risk person to get the virus. I am overweight and have preexisting conditions. Naturally I was concerned for myself, my husband is a fit, 26 year old man, who has no pre existing conditions. I figured he would be just fine.
All of the sudden I was starting to get better. I started to have energy to do things again, while my husband just gradually started to decline. One night he passed out because his blood oxygen level got too low. When the ambulance arrived, they told me that he was fine after taking his vitals and that he just needed to take it easy.
Every single time my husband would stand up, his blood oxygen would tank. And by tank, I mean 80s or 70s. He insisted that he was fine because the EMT's said he was fine. I argued with him for hours trying to get him to go to the hospital, but he refused. He was scared to go because of the virus, the lack of supplies, the shortage of staff and he didn't want to take up space for someone else. But mostly he didn't want to be left alone.
I finally gave up and agreed to let him stay home. For the next few days, I took care of him. He would move the bare minimum. I was constantly waking up during the night to check his vitals and waiting on him hand and foot. He was just so sick. The day before he went to the hospital he slept for about 16 hours, longer then I had ever seen him sleep before.
The day he went in he had a final exam. He was just so sick that he couldn't take it. He was freaking out because yet again, he was struggling to breath. He would walk about 15 feet to go sit on the couch and be so short of breath that he couldn't even speak. He finally agreed to go in, fully expecting to only be in the hospital for a short period of time.
When we got there they rushed him back. I had to yell I love you and goodbye from the door. I didn't get to hold his hand, or hug him goodbye. He was just taken back and I was told to go home.
Thankfully he is in a good hospital where they worked extremely fast. Running initial blood work showed that his hemoglobin was at 3, making this life threatening. In less than four hours, he was diagnosed with AML leukemia. Our world had been flipped upside down. His short hospital stay had turned in to 4 weeks. Our whole future has been put into question. All of the sudden we went from thinking it was the virus to talking about chemotherapy and fertility problems.
Worst of all is the waiting. We are still waiting for the results from the gene study that determines which subtype of AML leukemia he has. This determines how treatable it is and what we can do moving forward. He is already well into chemo and doing his best to fight this. He has developed a mild pneumonia to top it all off and has trouble talking for longer than a few minutes without hacking up a lung. If we video chat he gets emotional because he just wants nothing more than to come home.
Here is why I think this is appropriate to post here. My heart is broken as a women. My whole life plan has been put into question. I don't know if we will ever be able to have children or grow old together. I don't know what to expect or where this will go.
This is even worse considering that the pandemic is going on. I am now at home alone with my thoughts. I am not allowed to go see him at all. I am not allowed to go see my family at all because they are all high risk for the virus. I am not allowed to even go do normal ass things like go to the grocery store without fear.
This is my worst nightmare. I have been through one hell of a lot in my life but this is easily the most difficult thing I will ever go through. My heart is breaking because the most important person in the world to me is hurting so badly and there is nothing I can do. Everyday here alone is my own personal hell. I have no idea how we are going to get through this. My heart just hurts and I am scared.
Sorry for the long rant. I am just not doing okay.
Also if you think you have the virus, this is why you should try to get tested.. it could be something else. Including something much, much worse.
In front of a dozen plus people in a crowded parking lot.
I pulled into a handicap spot at my local grocery store this afternoon and had my placard hanging from the rearview mirror per standard procedure. I get out and this guy in his car parked in a spot one row behind me sticks his head out of his open window and yells "Excuse me, your in a handicap spot!" in a really rude tone.
Look, I get it... I'm only in my 30's and appear younger. I can walk and can do so in a way that appears normal. I have no visible birth defects, deformity, or injuries. There's no way he could've seen my handicap placard the way we were both parked. So because of all these things listed, I politely said "Yes sir, I know. My handicap placard is hanging on my rearview mirror". At this point I turn to continue walking into the store and HE GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND STARTS SCREAMING AT ME!!! Like, WTF??? In a crowded parking lot full of people! He accused me of using someone else's placard and being a lazy, entitled princess cheating the system like a piece of shit and demanded I get back in my car and move to a regular spot because handicap spots aren't meant for spoiled bitches who think they're special.
At this point I just yelled back "Why don't you mind your own business! You don't know anything about me you fucking asshole!" I then spun around and walked into the store. Thank God he didn't follow me. Everyone in the parking lot had stopping dead watching this whole inappropriate scene and during this guys tirade several of them were shaking their heads and shooting dirty looks at me for using a handicapped spot.
I'm still so upset about the whole event even tho it's hours later and here's what I'd like that jerk and all the people who agreed with him to know......
When I was 18 yrs old I was in the passenger seat of a friend's car that was broadsided by a drunk driver traveling at approx 50mph. The passenger door where I was sitting was the direct point of impact. My hip was shattered in that accident along with cracking 2 of my vertebrae and causing a hairline fracture to my pelvis. It took dozens of titanium screws, plates, pins, etc and hours of surgery to reconstruct my hip and stabilize my pelvis. And then due to a previously unknown/undiagnosed autoimmune issue my body began rejecting the metal used to piece my hip back together. It took me YEARS of medical intervention, physical therapy, pain, tears, strength and willpower to recover.
It's been 20 years since then. My gait appears normal when I walk for SHORT distances. To much activity however can leave me nearly crippled in pain for days. I deserve the handicap placard I was given. I need it. Just because I'm not elderly or in a wheelchair doesn't mean I don't have a disability. Not all disabilities are visually apparent and nobody should be making judgments about people they know nothing about.
I should be able to use my handicap placard without being harrassed and I don't deserve to have some guy scream insults at me on some misguided parking lot justice warrior crusade. Whew.... I feel a lot better after getting that off my chest! I'm really sorry it's so long y'all.